by Prime December 20, 2002
Get the West Jesus mug.One of the greatest pranks of this Common Era, begotten by our Savior himself.
In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus asks his disciples, "Who am I?" Christ receives three answers:
1.) Peter: "You are a righteous messenger"
2.) Matthew: "You are a wise philosopher"
3.) Thomas: "My mouth is wholly incapable of saying whom you are like"
Upon these answers, Jesus pulls Thomas aside and reveals three secret sayings to him. Thomas returns to the other disciples, and they eagerly ask what Jesus had said. Thomas tells them, "If I tell you even one of the things which he told me, you will pick up stones and throw them at me; and a fire will come out of the stones and burn you up."
The three secret sayings were never revealed from Thomas, and died out with him. What's the prank? When Jesus pulled Thomas aside, what he actually said was something along the lines of:
"Yo, Thomas, I've got this brilliant fucking idea. I'm going to whisper in your ear some nonsense, and you just nod. When you get back to the other 'sciples over there, they're going to ask you what I said. Just tell them I told you three secret sayings and that you can't ever tell them what they are. It'll drive them and the future religious world ridonkeykong!"
In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus asks his disciples, "Who am I?" Christ receives three answers:
1.) Peter: "You are a righteous messenger"
2.) Matthew: "You are a wise philosopher"
3.) Thomas: "My mouth is wholly incapable of saying whom you are like"
Upon these answers, Jesus pulls Thomas aside and reveals three secret sayings to him. Thomas returns to the other disciples, and they eagerly ask what Jesus had said. Thomas tells them, "If I tell you even one of the things which he told me, you will pick up stones and throw them at me; and a fire will come out of the stones and burn you up."
The three secret sayings were never revealed from Thomas, and died out with him. What's the prank? When Jesus pulled Thomas aside, what he actually said was something along the lines of:
"Yo, Thomas, I've got this brilliant fucking idea. I'm going to whisper in your ear some nonsense, and you just nod. When you get back to the other 'sciples over there, they're going to ask you what I said. Just tell them I told you three secret sayings and that you can't ever tell them what they are. It'll drive them and the future religious world ridonkeykong!"
John 8:12
"When Jesus spoke again to the people he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, unless, of course, that person falls for another one of my infallible Jesus pranks!"
"When Jesus spoke again to the people he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, unless, of course, that person falls for another one of my infallible Jesus pranks!"
by chazmatazz February 17, 2009
Get the Jesus prank mug.1. A biblical figure from Morgan City who was robbed of the copyrights to the hit singles of his band, "Jimmy Condomhead and the Rubberband peanut Stand" by his rival,Jesus Christ. Jesus Chriss played his golden chart topping hits for Robert Gertrud, who in turn went behind his back and pitched the songs to Geffin Records. David Geffin signed Robert Gertrud to a 5 million dollar contract and suggested he use the stage name Jesus Christ. As legend has it, Jesus Chriss became so angry that he ripped out his own spinal cord and fatally stabbed Jesus Christ repeatedly in the lower abdomen in a back alley way in the coal shute yelling, "Don't mess with Morgan City Trash"! He also liked to wear old man pants from thrift stores.
2.Someone who remains broke and bitter in a sticky robe that smells like dog shit (and piss!) because someone keeps stealing his chart topping hits and selling them to Geffin Records...and he just can't figure out who the fuck keeps doing it.
3.Someone who likes to wear old man pants
4.Someone with cronic back problems who is contantly treated unfairly by hospital personnel because they are jealous of their song writing abilities.
2.Someone who remains broke and bitter in a sticky robe that smells like dog shit (and piss!) because someone keeps stealing his chart topping hits and selling them to Geffin Records...and he just can't figure out who the fuck keeps doing it.
3.Someone who likes to wear old man pants
4.Someone with cronic back problems who is contantly treated unfairly by hospital personnel because they are jealous of their song writing abilities.
1."Hey, is this Brian?" "I stole your tascam recorder and I'm gonna make millions off of your music you piece of shit!" "You're a real Jesus Chriss you know that, you fuck?"
2."Don't be pullin a Jesus Chriss on me tonight...this is a funeral we're going to." "Put on some nice slacks."
3."Nurse Becky, tell that Jesus Chriss we won't treat him." "But Doctor, his stats are dropping!" "Let them drop!" "No one is going to stop me from winning first place at the Tucson Tapdancing Saxiphone and Bongo festival...AND I MEAN NO ONE!!!"
2."Don't be pullin a Jesus Chriss on me tonight...this is a funeral we're going to." "Put on some nice slacks."
3."Nurse Becky, tell that Jesus Chriss we won't treat him." "But Doctor, his stats are dropping!" "Let them drop!" "No one is going to stop me from winning first place at the Tucson Tapdancing Saxiphone and Bongo festival...AND I MEAN NO ONE!!!"
by Ana Mocity January 29, 2008
Get the Jesus Chriss mug.A term used to describe the divinity of Joe Mauer, the greatest baseball player, Minnesota Twin, and Minnesotan to ever grace this land.
by Punto4President April 14, 2010
Get the Baby Jesus mug.by G520 April 24, 2023
Get the finding jesus mug.by Jireh July 25, 2012
Get the Jesus Pimple mug."hook and loop" straps (note: the originals are known as "velcro")
these straps contain and manage cords, cables, ropes...e.t.c. , keeping them from catching on anything and everything,
or transforming themselves into a tangled mass! (or wrapping themselves around "the baby's" NECK !!)
the natural law is: when carrying ANYTHING (like a tv) the dangling cord will catch itself solidly on something, where one has to 'break stride' to get it free. this would NEVER happen in 5,000 tries at throwing the cord at the offending catch point! it ONLY catches when carrying something unsecured!
these straps contain and manage cords, cables, ropes...e.t.c. , keeping them from catching on anything and everything,
or transforming themselves into a tangled mass! (or wrapping themselves around "the baby's" NECK !!)
the natural law is: when carrying ANYTHING (like a tv) the dangling cord will catch itself solidly on something, where one has to 'break stride' to get it free. this would NEVER happen in 5,000 tries at throwing the cord at the offending catch point! it ONLY catches when carrying something unsecured!
be right with you! , godda find a way to contain this cord! (response:) try this Jesus strap !
when setting up the PA, the previously attached Jesus straps saved my black ass !
what kind of idiot doesn't secure a cord ?? -Jesus straps your savior, infant!
when setting up the PA, the previously attached Jesus straps saved my black ass !
what kind of idiot doesn't secure a cord ?? -Jesus straps your savior, infant!
by michael foolsley April 14, 2022
Get the Jesus straps mug.