931

I told you (and myself) I wasn’t going to initiate contact, but I didn’t want that. I miss the small ways we would check in with each other. I miss you. I don’t understand where we are. Please help me.

You are so intelligent, I love that about you. I’m sure you know who this is, that our last conversation was 9/28. I won’t conceal my messages, I want you to know who I am. Nothing hidden, I’ve told you about each time I posted a definition.

I hope you also know how I feel. I have so much affection and respect for you. My heart opens even knowing you exist. I’ve never begged a man like I did in that email, begged just to write to you. I can’t believe myself. It is easy to go there and be vulnerable with you, but sometimes it hurts.

I felt absolutely insane when I read your reply. Platonic relationship, or we shouldn’t be in contact…and you didn’t intend to suggest otherwise 🥺 I have trouble reconciling that with what I see on UD. I have an even harder time reconciling it with what happens when our eyes meet, or we talk, or smile, or touch hands. That feeling, connection, it wasn’t real? Why balk when I want to be closer? This is just me, I want to be gentle and loving to you no matter what, you can trust me. Help me understand.

I lose words when I try to explain how I feel. Like we recognize each other on a molecular level. Electric and deep. A knowledge there is so much to explore

931 Possibilities…

by RainyDay_ October 8, 2023

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