Jesus Velocity

When a massive or difficult project is finished in a relatively short amount of time.

Luke McKinny, cracked.com Over three days, I saw a Beijing street torn up, disemboweled and resurfaced. The roadway was made whole at Jesus velocity

by Krashlia July 4, 2012

Gabriel Jesus

The best average player to grace a football pitch. HIs touch on the ball is mediocre but he can still steal the ball...and your girlfriend. FUCK YOU HES THE BEST

Ugly girl: WHo even is Gabriel Jesus?
Hot Girl: THE BEST PLAYER IN THE FUCCKING WORLD

by Lightskin Lovely April 5, 2022

Jesus on a stick

a weird food they sell at the Korean Presbyterian church down the street

Dude have you had the Jesus on a stick?
yeah man it tastes pretty good

by theczechspam May 9, 2018

Apple Jesus

When your iphone or MacBook dies, they go up in the Cloud to Apple Jesus.

When an Apple product is sick and you need just long enough to let your contract run out or get them backed up, you pray that they don't go see Apple Jesus yet.

Apple Jesus lives where the Cloud is.

I still owe $200 on my iphone 6, so it can't go see Apple Jesus yet!

I lost my iphone today. I am praying to Apple Jesus that my photos I took last night are really up in the cloud.

by Ms Busta Rhyme June 16, 2017

Jesus's Knees

The holiest and most sexy knees you will ever see. They are powerful enough to kill half the universe if Jesus touches them together.

Person: "Oh my god, have you seen Jesus's Knees?"
Other Person: "No...?"
Jesus: "Hey look at my Knees!"
Both People: *Faints

by Supreme Comrade Stalin November 9, 2018

Jesus Cockblock

When a guy can't go any further with his girlfriend because he is too pious with his religious beliefs.

synonyms: cockblock, Jesus, religion
antonyms: sex. running the bases

Guy 1: "Man, Landon can't get any action from his girl."
Guy 2: "Why not?"
Guy 1 "He's got that Jesus cockblock

by rocky2012 December 26, 2011

Cocaine Jesus

A drug dealer

I know a cocaine Jesus

by Swhitt88 October 16, 2018