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easus jesus

"get me a bottle of easus jesus, dude"
by [SWS]Daltor November 24, 2005
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Jesus Christ

A mythological creature to whom is attributed power to redeem man from eternal damnation as a consequence of sin. Born of man's need to believe in something, Christ is a useful tool for many things: keeping the gullible in line, raising money, imposing morals on others, justifying war, bloodshed, and terrorism, explaining away tragedies like childhood cancer and natural disaster, silencing dissent, and imposing guilt, are among the most popular miracles performed by Jesus.
Christ retains a strong following thousands of years after his invention, despite the advance of science, education, and technology in the years since.
Jesus Christ, almighty son of God, has all power in heaven and earth, except the power to grow a money tree.
by runrobrun July 24, 2011
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jesus on a stick day

food friday (when jesus died)
by nothing_911 April 13, 2007
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Jesus Shark

A Jesus version of a shark. Jesus walks on water, Jesus Shark walks on land.

Jesus made alot of fish and bread. Jesus shark makes people and bread.

Jesus was a person. Jesus shark is a cartoon.

Jesus got respect. Jesus shark has no respect. "nyuk nyuk nyuk."

remind you of anything? jesus shark is the big talking shark from josie and the pussycats.
"oh man tedd, I saw the Jesus Shark walk by me at the super market."

OR

"jesus shark watches me in the corner of my room when I sleep. fuckin jesus shark"
by ronnoc the axe January 13, 2009
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pickled Jesus candles

Those tall jar candles with the bizarre, often gruesome, Catholic iconography on the outside of the jar. Usually found at Mexican markets, religious gift stores, and the ethnic food section at the supermarket.
Shop 'n' Rob in Bay Point has a great selection of pickled Jesus candles.

No, I'm not Catholic, I just like pickled Jesus candles.
by Dr. Badwrench July 12, 2007
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Jesus's fuck thang

The organ that Jesus used to fuck all those bitches. That's why there are so many Christians in the world.
Jesus wipped out Jesus's fuck thang so much, even the son of god got chaffed.
by Big Baby Jesus October 1, 2004
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jesus birthday sex

An excuse to do the dirty on christmas day. May be used to avoid the wrath of God for sinning on his son's birthday.
John: Are you free tonight? I need a little christmas lovin, if you know what I mean...

Jane: I'm not sure God would ever forgive me.

John: Don't worry, it's jesus birthday sex. He'll take it as a compliment that we are celebrating His birth.

Jane: Ok! Let's do it!
by Jbislollipop23 December 26, 2009
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