Jesus

Jehovah's first born who willingly left his lofty position in heaven and sacrificed his life on earth. This is the greatest act of love and compensates for the sin of Adam and Eve. Jesus claimed, in the Bible gospels, that he will transform the earth into a paradise.
Dude, today Jesus is seperating people like sheeps and goats.
by Carlos Mc November 15, 2007
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Jesus

wasnt he that chick in the da vinci codes great great grand dad?
Tom hanks: You are the last living desendant of jesus christ
by uahedfioqahu September 02, 2008
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Jesus

person 1 "holy shit is that jesus, how is he not sinking"
person 2 "he can walk on water dipshit"
by fourway March 16, 2010
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Jesus

King of the Jews. Was nailed to a cross which was one of the better execution tools in history.
All hail Jesus, king of the Jews!
by Fiona Slennz June 17, 2005
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jesus

A probably fictional man (a derivative one at that) who lived roughly 2000 years ago. He was said to be the son of god (mostly said by himself). Notable for performing several party tricks, for example turning water into wine, feeding 5000 people with limited supplies and rising from the dead. He had 12 lingers on, a couple of which fucked him over big style, most notably Judas. Appears heavily in the new testament of the best selling novel “The Bible” which spawned a cult following known as Christians. Sometimes his name may be used as term of mild annoyance or a word to stress other words.
"jesus josephine"

"jesus dave no fucking need for it"
by gerald fawcett February 23, 2008
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Jesus

Son of god,died for all of our sins so that we may live.

Spoke out against the tyranny of pagan Rome and all of their Satanism and homosexuality,child-molesting and slave-owning ways.

So they killed him in the most evil way imaginable.
Now we are living in Rome as evidenced by all of these tyrannical,evil and hateful posts.
by crying February 19, 2005
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Jesus

Usually a name referring to Jesus of Nazareth, who lived from around 0 B.C to 33 A.D. His birth is celebrated on Cristmas day. He was supposedly born of the virgin Mary, and started preaching when he was about 30 years old. He went around the countryside preaching messages of peace, love, and acceptance. He was commonly mistaken as a political revolutionary, uprising against the Roman Empire which was occupying the region at the time.

According to the Bible, he was both God-like and human-like, though nowadays the human part is often forgotton. He hung out with theives, crooks, prostitutes, and other people who were deemed "unacceptable" by society. He perfomed "miracles", such as turning water into wine, calming storms, multiplying bread, etc. Some people interpret these stories literally, while others interpret them metaphorically.

Jesus, by today's standards, would be considered a hippie, a leftie, and an extremist. He preached acceptance and tolerance, not racist, sexist, and homophobic policies.

He was not a pacifist. His whole "turn the other cheek" thing is advising people to use nonviolent resistance. In those times, a slap with the back of the hand was an insult, while a slap with the palm was illigal. The scripture says that if someone hits you on the RIGHT cheek... People's left hands were considered "unclean" and therefore they would have to hit you with their right hand, and to do it on the right cheek would have to be backhanded. If you turn the other cheek, you are forcing them to hit you with their palm, which then would be illegal. There are many other scriptures like this one that are interpreted out of context and have distorted meanings. (hope that clarified things)

Jesus died on a crucifix, the modern-day symbol of christianity. The crucifix was a torture device used by the Romans as punishment. Tons of people tend to forget the origin of the cross. He was accused of calling himself the son of God (which he never did), died on Good Friday, and was resureccted on Easter Sunday.
What Would Jesus Do?
Jesus is my homeboy.
Who Would Jesus Bomb?
by Steve December 03, 2004
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