Covid-🎲

When bookmakers worldwide are crazy-busy changing the odds on whether President Trump would be re-elected or not, based on the good and bad news that come out about him and his morally bankrupt administration every hour of the day.

Thanks to Covid-🎲, with billions of bucks changing hands, hundreds of millionaires (and thousands of zeronaires) are expected to emerge come November 3.

by Covido September 12, 2020

Covid Chunk

Covid Chunk (n): the weight you gained during quarantine from the bread you been baking to keep yourself sane.

Since I've started baking bread during quarantine, my jeans are much tighter. Must be COVID chunk.

by TOTALLY_NOT_A_JADED_PERSON September 25, 2020

Covid squirt

What a desperate whore says now that most cities are in phase one and loves cum.

Michelle: Fuck yeah, i dont give a flying fuck if this dude has a 4-inch dick or not, he can give me a Covid squirt in my pink and stink.

by Butter Mike June 02, 2020

Covid Squirt

A squirt of hand sanitizer for one's hands.

Person A: Hey dude, can I get a Covid squirt please?
Person B: I gotchu bro! (as he hands over the hand sanitizer)

by Disruptorgun September 18, 2020

Covid-Breath

It's when you've been trying to sleep with solid-packed sinuses which necessitates you breathing through your mouth all night. After what seems like forever trying to survive all night long, propped up, breathing through your now dry-parched and sore mouth and throat, you get up with Covid-breath which is so bad it could strip the walls of wallpaper, stop a charging rhino in its tracks and back off a zombie in mid-stride. Covid-breath is soon relieved when your cold starts breaking up and you finally start hacking up egg-sized chunks of green phlegm.

"Ugh...I had to breath through my mouth all night..," you say to your spouse as she wakes up beside you.

"Ack!" she struggles to utter. "I can tell (hack, cough). Covid-breath! Back off you foul beast! Back off or I shall be forced to slay you!!!"

by Captain Loloch February 05, 2022

Covid-20/21

The obscene number of corona infections and deaths in the United States on January 20, 2021—the dejected President-Loser’s last day at the White House, who thought that lying about the coronavirus, prescribing “miracle cures,” and spewing out conspiracies would reduce his chances of being rejected and ejected.

Covid-19 couldn’t wait to hand over the one-term president’s Covid-20/21 report on his irresponsible and inept handling of the pandemic crisis—whose last day falls on a palindromic date (1/20/21).

by Covido November 25, 2020

ASS-CO (asymptomatic covid)

A Public Health term: an easy to understand concept that dumb motherfuckers still ignore.

DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are an asymptomatic COVID carrier. Do you wear a mask?

ME: Asswhaaahh, bruh? Naw, I feel good! How a mask gonna help? My ass ain’t infected!

DOCTOR: I wouldn’t recommend wearing it there. You strike me as a pleasant, but obnoxiously stubborn man. As an ASS-CO (Asymptomatic COVID) carrier, you’ll need to quarantine yourself for two weeks and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the airborne spread of COVID. Also take these pills.

ME: Quarra-what? Ass Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! Masks are just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati). …wut Pills?

DOCTOR: Magic Brain Pills (MBPs) that will temporarily make you smart enough to wear the ASS-CO mask over your mouth AND nose. As we cheerfully say in healthcare, “Don’t be a dumb cunt who can’t wear a mask correctly!”

by Magic Brain Pills September 06, 2020