The sexual act in which a man puts 2 eggs in between a woman's breasts(while laying in bed) and then sit on them for a solid 2 - 5 hours with a heating lamp near by and the room temperature very high. Then when he gets up, they should be hot, goey, and sticky. He will then proceed to use this as lube for violent sex afterwards. Then, with some of the eggshells, he will proceed to scrape her nipples until they are a bloody pulp.
Me: Dude, im so nervous...
Friend: Whys that?
Me: Sally wants me to do a Texas Humpty-Dumpty Nipple Splitter....I don't think I can sit still for that long!
Friend: Don't worry you'll be fine bro!!
Friend: Whys that?
Me: Sally wants me to do a Texas Humpty-Dumpty Nipple Splitter....I don't think I can sit still for that long!
Friend: Don't worry you'll be fine bro!!
by Shank0potomis March 16, 2012
DUMPTY HUMPTY BUMPTY RUMPTY AAAa
by Kirbo the man September 26, 2019
by Taco Tea Co. May 12, 2006
by CrystalClearSight June 17, 2021
This wonderful event starts out with a man sitting on a wall to show off his crotch to a woman he has a crush on. To show the woman that he is mating material, he will hump the wall in hopes of moistening her lady garden. However, he does not realize that humping the hard wall will stimulate his spinky and cause a great fall... of shit. The poopy will land below on the woman, and all hopes of mating will be crushed.
Tyrant: Yo boss, happy Friday. Any fun plans for the weekend?
The Boss: Yea I was gonna go to the Meat Market tonight for some juicy Italian sausage, but I accidentally Humpty-Dumptied my wife last night and I gotta make it up to her.
Tyrant: Bro... you’re gonna have to explain this one.
The Boss: Okay.. so I hopped on our little wall between our living room and kitchen and figured I would try to turn her on. Turns out.. I only turned on my shit wagon and inadvertently plopped a log right on her dome. Safe to say I won’t be getting dome for a while.
Tyrant: Damn dude I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope she doesn’t get POO-TSD from that. Next time wear your Shitbit, as it would’ve warned you that logs were a brewin’.
The Boss: Yea I was gonna go to the Meat Market tonight for some juicy Italian sausage, but I accidentally Humpty-Dumptied my wife last night and I gotta make it up to her.
Tyrant: Bro... you’re gonna have to explain this one.
The Boss: Okay.. so I hopped on our little wall between our living room and kitchen and figured I would try to turn her on. Turns out.. I only turned on my shit wagon and inadvertently plopped a log right on her dome. Safe to say I won’t be getting dome for a while.
Tyrant: Damn dude I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope she doesn’t get POO-TSD from that. Next time wear your Shitbit, as it would’ve warned you that logs were a brewin’.
by Stoney69 December 18, 2020
by poroekd October 14, 2022
Noun. Refers to an amputee with serious anger problems, to the point where their presence causes everybody around them to not have a good time and lose their buzz.
Man with no legs sits in wheelchair, angry: I fucking hate this place. Fuck all of you motherfuckers.
Nearby bystander, listening to the amputee bitch and bitch and can't take it anymore: Shut the fuck up, Humpty-Stumpty. Maybe you just got off on the wrong, uh, "foot." Maybe you have a, ya know, "leg up" on the competition. You look like you're a bit, uh, "stumped." Wow, I really put my, uh, foot in my mouth there. Sometimes you just have to take things one, um, ya know, "step" at a time. Stop being such a fucking buzzkill before I tip over your wheelchair and light your bitch ass on fire. Okay, Humpty Stumpty?
Nearby bystander, listening to the amputee bitch and bitch and can't take it anymore: Shut the fuck up, Humpty-Stumpty. Maybe you just got off on the wrong, uh, "foot." Maybe you have a, ya know, "leg up" on the competition. You look like you're a bit, uh, "stumped." Wow, I really put my, uh, foot in my mouth there. Sometimes you just have to take things one, um, ya know, "step" at a time. Stop being such a fucking buzzkill before I tip over your wheelchair and light your bitch ass on fire. Okay, Humpty Stumpty?
by Jack-the-stripper-ripper March 25, 2024