Jesus was a liberal

A saying used by liberals to accentuate the point that Jesus would probably not be a supporter of blood-thirsty killing, genocide, ethnic cleansing, or basic un-Godliness like war and the murdering of civilians.

Considering Jesus was murdered and crucified for his revolutionary beliefs in a time of war and imperialistic arrogance and Jesus' recorded attributes of selfless and righteous behaviors attributed to love and brotherhood, it seems more likely Jesus would not be for any type of political or religious based wars.

Many republicans and conservatives scoff at this saying and begin to utter delusional phrases like, "Jesus would definetely vote Republican" and "Jesus hates Muslims" and "Jesus was a white man".

"Of course Jesus was a liberal. Can you imagine Jesus bashing a black kid's face in with a rock and then hanging him in front of a crowd of smiling white people?"

"No, I guess not."

by Reasoner August 27, 2006

freezing Jesus

To make a (video) chat lag and/or freeze by spamming the comments. Usually due to a large amount of lurking people suddenly reacting to someone appearing on the webcam after hours of staring at a table/notebook/etc.

Coming from Ryland Blackinton's (Cobra Starship) "Who froze Jesus?" reaction to someone's "Jesus it's frozen" comment upon the sudden lag in the video.

Also see shelf kids.

Shelf kid #1: OMG I SAW SOMETHING MOVE!!!1!
Shelf kid #2: OMFG ME TOO RIGHT THERE IN THE RIGHT CORNER!!!
Shelf kid #3: IT'S GABE OMG HI GABE GABEY GABEY GABEY!!!11!!1
Shelf kid #1 & 2: GAAAAAAAABE HI GABE SOUND PLZ GABEGABEGABE SOUNDDDDDD!!!!! COME ON GABE QUIT TEASIN US UNMUTE PLZZZZ!!11
Etc.

Shelf kid #4: Stop freezing Jesus, y'all!

by thatssonotaword January 22, 2009

Sweaty Jesus

The act of making a good tackle in football is followed by shouting 'sweaty Jesus'

Barzagli the sweaty Jesus

by xCH3LS3ABLAD3Zx February 20, 2017

Jesus Dan

Jesus answers the calls. He gets dicked down. He’s sexy. His wife and him have children called hatchlings. Praise this glorious man, or you will go to da grave

Person: I don’t know what to do
Person 2: O praise o praise this glorious man, o praise o praise this Jesus Dan

by liltoast October 28, 2019

Jesus cruisers

(Jee•ZUS•CRU•zers) n. sandals. usually with simple leather straps.

That hippy was wearing his Jesus cruisers in the winter! That dude was a hard core Deadhead.

by SAMMER OF THE GODS July 12, 2006

jesus bolts

The "jesus bolts" are the small, high-tensile bolts that attach the rotor pitch control push rods to the swash plateon a helicopter.

If one of these bolts fails, then one of the 'copter's rotors will be decoupled from the cyclic/collective pitch control, which is generally thought of as a Bad Thing; they are so called because if you've led a good life, afther the failure Jesus is the next person you meet.

See also zero survivability incident

Pilot: "Is this thing good to go ?"
Engineer: "Yeah, we even gave you new Jesus Bolts !"
Pilot: "Gee, thanks."

by eighthofseven August 17, 2007

Jesus Chrysler

A substitute for when people feel like saying Jesus Christ but don't want to. So they say Jesus Chrysler instead.

"Jesus Chrysler,That guy is being a real ass"

by SolidSnake1162 May 21, 2008