Crumpet bum

Slang used for someone with celulite on their bum, it gives the effect of a crumpet! Also a built up residue of anal crap due to lack of ass wiping abilities

Lad: holly hell look at that crumpet bum over there! She aint been ass wiping

by Jollyrodgerey November 6, 2014

Soggy Crumpet

Noun - Masturbating while crying; jerkin' with tears in your eyes.

After Brob was dumped by Luke, he couldn't help but give himself a soggy crumpet.

Jeff's nightly activities consist of pizza alone and a soggy crumpet before bed.

by Johnny Jerk Off December 14, 2014

Crumpet Nigger

A British person.

"Oi govna, cheerio then yeah?"
"I don't understand what you're saying you god damn crumpet nigger"

by travid January 20, 2009

Ass Crumpet

A crunchy ring of residue buuilt up around the anus. The result of poor ass wiping.

His ass is full of ass crumpets.

by Crumpetmaster November 25, 2003

shit crumpet

A greeting to a good friend.2 a dried piece of crap.

Hey shit crumpet!

by John Davis June 15, 2003

English Crumpet

Pinning somebody down on their back and holding their arms down while another person drops his pants and rubs his anus and testicles on the pinned person's face

"You better back off or we'll give yo ass the English crumpet"

Person 1: "Why is he puking?"

Person 2: "Because that boy just got an English crumpet"

by michelleelala December 5, 2014

Mustard Crumpet

Refers to when a man has finished fucking a chick and pulls out his dick, then proceeds to take a dump on her pussy before taking a step back and pissing on it. In doing so resembling a very mustardy crumpet.

The other night Chris accidentally walked in on his sister Steph getting a mustard crumpet from her boyfriend.

by ECMF May 28, 2010