An invitation to an event given solely because of the invitee's close proximity to a conversation about said event.
Proximity invitations most often occur due to feelings of guilt and/or pity, but can also happen in an attempt to fix the awkwardness of the situation. They have been given in the hopes that the invitee is not able to attend the event; however, this is never a smart move, as it always has the potential to backfire.
It is very important to stay emotionless in any situation where a proximity invite could be given to an undesirable. If one of the people conversing about the event senses any weakness at all in one or more of the other conversers, he/she should recognize that a proximity invitation could be imminent, and should forcibly remove himself/herself and the other conversers from the situation, offering an excuse to the would-be invitee if necessary. REMEMBER: you may be the bad guy now, but they WILL thank you later.
Some undesirables are brazen enough to actively seek out proximity invitations by purposefully placing themselves close to those conversing about an event. This technique, known throughout the undesirable community as "seek and destroy," has been reported to work on conversers who are of equal or lesser popularity than the undesirable. They will usually be ignored by conversers who are more popular than the undesirable, unless one or more of the conversers has a reputation for being sympathetic or kindhearted.
DO NOT be swayed by the undesirable's strongest weapon: a sarcastic "Thanks for the invite" or anything similar. A good counter to this phrase is an equally sarcastic "You're welcome" or "My pleasure" or anything along those lines.
If the undesirable is so bold as to actually pretend that they have already received an invitation, it is absolutely necessary that they are put in their place. A simple but effective "You're not invited" will suffice, but it is always a good idea to follow this with an insult, so as to show the undesirable that he/she is not wanted. Ex. "You're not invited, assfaggot."
Proximity invitations most often occur due to feelings of guilt and/or pity, but can also happen in an attempt to fix the awkwardness of the situation. They have been given in the hopes that the invitee is not able to attend the event; however, this is never a smart move, as it always has the potential to backfire.
It is very important to stay emotionless in any situation where a proximity invite could be given to an undesirable. If one of the people conversing about the event senses any weakness at all in one or more of the other conversers, he/she should recognize that a proximity invitation could be imminent, and should forcibly remove himself/herself and the other conversers from the situation, offering an excuse to the would-be invitee if necessary. REMEMBER: you may be the bad guy now, but they WILL thank you later.
Some undesirables are brazen enough to actively seek out proximity invitations by purposefully placing themselves close to those conversing about an event. This technique, known throughout the undesirable community as "seek and destroy," has been reported to work on conversers who are of equal or lesser popularity than the undesirable. They will usually be ignored by conversers who are more popular than the undesirable, unless one or more of the conversers has a reputation for being sympathetic or kindhearted.
DO NOT be swayed by the undesirable's strongest weapon: a sarcastic "Thanks for the invite" or anything similar. A good counter to this phrase is an equally sarcastic "You're welcome" or "My pleasure" or anything along those lines.
If the undesirable is so bold as to actually pretend that they have already received an invitation, it is absolutely necessary that they are put in their place. A simple but effective "You're not invited" will suffice, but it is always a good idea to follow this with an insult, so as to show the undesirable that he/she is not wanted. Ex. "You're not invited, assfaggot."
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: So... Steve... wanna come to my party tonight?
That Cunthole Steve: Sure!
Jack and Jill: Fuck.
---
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: ...You're not getting a proximity invitation, assfaggot.
That Cunthole Steve: I wish I had friends.
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: So... Steve... wanna come to my party tonight?
That Cunthole Steve: Sure!
Jack and Jill: Fuck.
---
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: ...You're not getting a proximity invitation, assfaggot.
That Cunthole Steve: I wish I had friends.
by Reuben Z. Clitz August 20, 2009
Get the Proximity invitation mug.To have just consumed a protein drink; To feel revitalized by protein. "This stuffs makes me feel protinated"
by Tanku May 28, 2007
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The arrival of a meat sword when in close proximity to others of like-minded interest or infatuation.
All those nerds at Comicon are sporting proximity boners dressed like theyre "to infinity and beyond" instead of getting a job.
by Studly Chucksteak Hungwell November 18, 2015
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Get the Primate mug.when your about to skeet in the woman randomly slap her on the poon, then make her unconcious with a headbutt to the face. whilst unconcious, poop on her chest. wait for her to wake up and when she does, she will bend over in pain as you slapped her vagina, then notice the poop on her chest. then you must run away. This is because she runs after you, bent over, throwing poop whilst being very angry. hence 'angry primate'
Dude1: look out! an angry primate!!!!
Dude2: sweeeeet, thanks for the heads up, gimme some *high five*
Dude2: sweeeeet, thanks for the heads up, gimme some *high five*
by CPOLD November 24, 2009
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This was first explained by Zelda Gilroy to Dobie Gillis in the 1959-1963 TV series, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, except Zelda called it "Propinquity."
This was first explained by Zelda Gilroy to Dobie Gillis in the 1959-1963 TV series, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, except Zelda called it "Propinquity."
I am experiencing proximity infatuation right now.
Me, thinking about F colleague: She is beautiful. I want to...I want to....(you know what)
F colleague: Says nothing, how is she supposed to know what I am thinking? Is SHE thinking the same thing?
----------------
First, of all, I'm not that sure she IS beautiful, but it doesn't matter any more, I am infatuated. My wife would not approve of any of this and does not need to know. It's not going anywhere, anyway. Sigh.
Me, thinking about F colleague: She is beautiful. I want to...I want to....(you know what)
F colleague: Says nothing, how is she supposed to know what I am thinking? Is SHE thinking the same thing?
----------------
First, of all, I'm not that sure she IS beautiful, but it doesn't matter any more, I am infatuated. My wife would not approve of any of this and does not need to know. It's not going anywhere, anyway. Sigh.
by Straight Shooter April 30, 2008
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