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Rectum? Damn Near Killed 'Em

A punchline to a joke, the whole joke is almost never heard.
There are various setups to this punchline. Here's one:

One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the teacher said, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He replied, 'no ma'am.' She said, 'if you don't have it done by tomorrow then I'm going to make a call to your parents.'

As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two greyhounds racing,and one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just stops and the other one rams its head right up its a**.

Johnny takes out a piece of paper and writes it all down, saying to himself, 'This is going to be my report.'

The next day at school the teacher says, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?' He says, 'sure do.' So he goes up to the front of the class and starts telling them what he saw. 'Yesterday I was walking home from school when I saw these two greyhounds racing, and one rammed its head right up the other's a**.' The teacher says, 'Johnny, we don't use the word 'a**' in the classroom, it's rectum.' Johnny said, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'Em."

Or this shorter version:

Teacher: So Johnny, how was your weekend?
Johnny: Horrible. A car hit my dog, right in the a**!
Teacher (correcting Johnny's language): Rectum.
Johnny: Wrecked 'em? Damn near killed 'em!
by the_only_real_coffee_sloth September 10, 2009
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near death experience

(n.) Alleged by many, but unproven either way occurence where someone on the brink of death experiences bliss, a tunnel with a light at the end, and a feeling of knowledge of all thier activities. The experiencer will claim to see any number of things, such as thier own (scientifically) dead body.
by Kung-Fu Jesus May 8, 2004
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Related Words
Nezar Nezarec Nezaria nezariyah nefarious Nazar negar Nazareth Near nazarena

Nearly Witches

a song included on Fall Out Boy's mixtape, CitizensFOB Mixtape: Welcome To The New Administration. the artist listed is The Paul Revere Jumpsuit Apparatus, but this is suspected to be a codename for band Panic At The Disco as the vocals are unmistakably lead singer Brendon Urie's. the mixtape was available to download for free off Fall Out Boy's Friends or Enemies website.
person 1:"have you heard Fall Out Boy's mixtape?"

person 2:"yeah, I loved Nearly Witches."
by pollyestherPANIC January 22, 2009
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Nazare

A beautiful girl. Someone who is always there when you need her and knows how to bright even your darkest days. She is a fantastic wife, mother, and friend. A lover of Tequila, Friends, Disney, and SHOES! She has junk in the trunk and is proud of it! She can win you VIP rooms by dancing on speakers! If you meet a Nazare you'll wonder how you went through life without her! A word of caution, DO NOT GIVE HER WHITE WINE!
" Do you know Nazare? Well you should!"
by Jiza February 4, 2010
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pert near

she was pert near asleep
by lee crawford April 29, 2003
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Nazar

An amazing and sexy mothefucker, usually having a huge horse penis and always getting all the girls. Such a good singer, actor and just an all round cool and sexy, handsome, beautiful and he is beau (it’s French, look it up dumb ass)
Everyone: “Wow what a sexy face Nazar has”
Me: “Yeh I know
by Wheat Bix Eat PickleRick September 14, 2018
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Near

A small, bright, albino~esque, toy obsessed boy and rival of Mello from the anime/maga series Death Note. Though only 5' tall.. And quite weak looking, he Defeated Kira and Succeded L. Looks can be decieving.
Person A: ..And that's why Near doesn't leave his house.
Person B: ..o.o With Mello? All night? That's.. So kinky.
by Közi~Kun December 17, 2008
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