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The spunker 

(Spunker) a spunker is someone who refers themselves as a shagger but in fact just masturbates all day
Robbie says he shags all the girls but he’s the spunker.
The spunker by Kingrico355 May 2, 2020

Right On the Skonker 

Skonker is another word for Head.

When you're playing video games with a Northern Irish man and he gets a headshot kill and does a victory lap around his kitchen shouting "right on the skonker" in sheer excitement
"I was playing GTA Online last night, fighting a try hard hard a gave him a bad going over, sniper bullet right on the skonker, you wouldn't credit it man"

Skunked the Table 

To turn, drop trouser, bend over and spray your diarrhoea over the table/desk/other things in protest.
They laughed in her face, laughed at her tears laughed at her trembling limbs, so , out of desperation and defiance, she skunked the table. - Memoirs of Greta Thunberg, 2061