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Materbating 

I like Materbating with my friends.

MaterBating 

Jack: I fell off my bed while I was fucking my girl
Joe: That wasn't regular sex, that was MaterBating
MaterBating by Dumbfuck supreme September 2, 2023

Maskerbating 

Wearing a mask while completely alone
Before I even realized it, I was maskerbating in my car yesterday!
Maskerbating by Photoist July 28, 2020

masturbating to the dictionary 

A phrase used as a comeback to a Grammar Nazi or to someone who says “grammar is sexy” during a conversation. It can be used in any situation to respond to someone who tries to shame you on your grammar.
i.e.
txt msg exchange
Timmy: Yo Jake, you wanna come over to Jason’s place to smoke after school? Meghan and Jill are coming over and I’m sure your have a dope time with us.
Jake: You mean *you’ll have a dope time.
Timmy: Dude, are you masturbating to the dictionary at your house? Don’t be such a Grammar Nazi.

Lucy: Hey Jamie, do you think Alex is doing good today after the party last night? You think he’s interested in hanging out later?
Jamie: You mean, doing WELL after the party…? Damn Lucy, grammar is sexy just an fyi.
Lucy: Wtf Jamie, when did you start masturbating to the dictionary?

Meaturbating 

The act of consuming any type of meat without the knowledge or permission of your Vegan/Vegetarian significant other who has either forced you or convinced you to comply with his or her dietary beliefa. The act of Meaturbation can bring on waves of guilt and typically results in efforts to reform oneself to please your controlling and almost omnipresent spouse. Who at a minimum is an enthusiastic believer and at a maximum an unhinged zealot
I saw my good friend Meaturbating during lunch yesterday. And while he seemed to be enjoying himself, it was clear that he felt ashamed as well.
Meaturbating by Yogithan April 4, 2019

masturbating

I'm masturbating.
masturbating by ccthz January 27, 2021