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Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month 

something that many, many people would like to tell people
"Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month," said little Jimmy "Damn, little Jimmy, you need to chill out," said his bully, getting out the gasoline and matches."

Your mouth is writing checks your ass can't cash

"Your mouth is writing checks your ass can't cash," is something TV Dr. Phil McGraw's father said to him as a boy when he would voice wild plans or notions. It means that talk is cheap relative to performance, or that promising something and delivering on it are two different things. A phrase similar in meaning is "Money talks, bullshit walks."

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"I'm going to get a job selling fuzzy dice door-to-door. I'll be rich!"

"Boy, your mouth is writing checks your ass can't cash."

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ass in my/your mouth 

1. To embarrass or be embarrassed

2. To humiliate

3. To treat or be treated; clowned.

4. derided
"Why do you always feel the need to put your ass in my/your mouth?" Stan replied angrily to Sharon.

"People going around putting they ass in people's mouth...this has got to stop!"

"You keep talking like that, I'm a put my ass in your/my mouth" said Jill, apparently upset with Bob's position.

Is your asshole jealous of the shit coming out of your mouth? 

An epic burn. Practice so it will roll right off the tongue and and use when people are drinking so that there will be maximum nasal spewage for effect.
loser: blah blah blah...

cool person: Is your asshole jealous of the shit coming out of your mouth?