Juan Valdez 

A fictional character that has appeared in advertisements for the National Federation of Coffee Growers of Colombia since 1959. He typically appears alongside his sidekick Conchita that carry's sacks of harvested coffee beans. "100% Colombian Coffee the richest coffee in the world"
Even though apparently "Juan Valdez drinks Costa Rican coffee"
He is also seen in Bruce Almighty

"Who's that guy the rides mystical donkeys though the hills of Columbia,and picks Bag after Bag of coffee beans?"
"OH that's Juan Valdez."

Juan Valdez by the FRenchporker March 7, 2009

Juan Valdez Jacuzzi 

using coffee in lieu of water in a cannabis bong

"don't talk to me till I've had coffee"?

psh
whatever

don't talk to ME till I've spent 20 min blazing through a Juan Valdez jacuzzi

Juan Valdez Jacuzzi by CoraMunroBoat June 12, 2017

Dirty Juan Valdez

Placing your junk in someone's coffee to add flavor and/or texture to the drink.

Hey buddy, you look like you could use a little grundle butter in that coffee - let me give you a Dirty Juan Valdez.

Dirty Juan Valdez by Glowsand December 17, 2010

Dirty Juan Valdez

When an individual wipes his ass with a cofee filter, brews a pot of fecal java and pours the brew over his woman as he slams the warhead into her. Inspired by the infamous Hot Carland Dirty Sanchez and similar to theGolden Shower.

Mr. Ken's girl was tired of getting Hot Carl'd so he surprized her on her birthday with a Dirty Juan Valdez!

Dirty Juan Valdez by Dr. Switch October 24, 2004

U.S.S. Juan Valdez 

The infamous cargo-carrier that ran aground (due to Captain Joseph Hazlenut's having downed one too many cups of joe) in Alaska and spilled thousands of pounds of Colombian coffee into the bay, giving the surrounding wildlife a major case of the caffeine-jitters and thus causing them to behave really weird for weeks afterwards. The fiasco caused a major "media-buzz", as well.

After the U.S.S. Juan Valdez accident, coffee-transporting cargo-vessels were required to pack their coffee in separate thick-walled metal shipping-containers rather than just bulk-filling their holds with the dry product, to reduce the chance of the coffee's just spilling right out into the ocean if the ship's hull is breached.

U.S.S. Juan Valdez by QuacksO August 5, 2018

Juan ValDEEZ

Pronounced " Juan Val-DEEZ"
Spilling the beans to the point of creating a monumental disaster. A combined reference to the Alaskan Exxon Valdez oil spill and to Juan Valdez, fictional Columbian coffee grower.

"You told Betty to her face that she was really ugly?! Holy crap, dude!... did you ever Juan ValDEEZ her!

Juan ValDEEZ by Juan O'Malley January 3, 2011