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a dick in the bush is worth two in the hand 

You coming to the party? There's going to be lots of trim.
Nah, gonna stay in and jerk off.

C'mon, dude, a dick in the bush is worth two in the hand.

A fist in the bush is worth two in the cradle

The medical phenomenon of a woman gaining the ability of being able to bear and give birth to twins after being fisted. It is widely accepted in medical circles that woman who have not been fisted previously cannot fall pregnant with twins
"Did you hear Sophie had twins?" "well u know what they say a fist in the bush is worth two in the cradle".

a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush 

This expression means that it is better to have an advantage or opportunity that is certain than having one that is worth more but is not so certain.

"A bird in the hand," is yours, and it's not going anywhere unless you let it go. But if you leave it and go for "two in the bush," there is no guarantee you'll catch them, you might end up with nothing in the end.

In essence, don't be greedy and stick with what good things you already have, instead of going after something you'll probably never get.
Bob: "I think I'm gonna quit my job..another firm is going to offer me a better job.."

Joe: "Are you sure? You probably shouldn't quit unless you know you're gonna get in for sure. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

(Weeks later)

Joe: "So how was the interview?"

Bob: "Idk not so good...i don't think the boss is gonna let me come back either..."

Joe: "You're an idiot.."

bird in the hand is worth two in the bush 

When searching for a better job, remember A bird in the hand... .

A puke in the hand is worth two in the bush 

Referring to the fact that when you're out drinking with your friends, it is twice as hilarious to see someone puke in their hands (preferrably so everyone can see) as it is when said person makes it out of sight to puke (like behind a bush).
That was embarrassing the way you puked in your hands at the bar last night, but you know what they say, a puke in the hand is worth two in the bush.

a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush 

This expression shows the benefits of masterbation over intercourse by saying a bird (your penis) is better in your hand than having both your penises in a bush (vagina).

Women are sometimes not worth the hassle, headache or monitary cost to keep around, despite giving you sex.
Rob: Y'know, Greg, my girlfriend wanted another $20 from me this morning.

Greg: Oh yeah? What for?

Rob: I don't know, she wouldn't tell me. I bet she's cheating on me.

Greg: Why do you think that?

Rob: Well she borrows money from me all the time, and I'm stupid and jump to conclusions.

Greg: Well, my dad always told me that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Rob: You're right.

/corny story