"Hi, I'm E. Feet Liberal and I care about
important things. That's why I rely on 'The Huffington Post' to keep me up to date with:
--politically incorrect words/ideas that have been newly banned by the
intellectually enlightened
--inane progressive ideology
--the latest DNC
talking points--cheap shots aimed at anyone and anything to the right of Noam Chomsky
and
glowing reports about how
President Obama is so totally awesome!
When
common sense and reality threaten to burst my rose colored, progressive bubble, I gain solace from being a Huffer. Reading the anti-American opinions, half-truths and cherry-picked facts reassures me that my hysterical hand wringing, misplaced activism, and blogging about the same, is a wise life's devotion.
Amazingly though, there are people who post disagreements with my utopian worldview. They have humbly suggested that my advocacy has no lasting spiritual value--that it's all just wood, hay and stubble. Can you imagine that? For Pete's sake, I'm trying to save the planet from the evils of free market economics!
Don't worry though, during these comment exchanges I call upon my academic background, and 'rhetorical kung-fu' skills, to provide a reasoned and enlightened response. First, I stereotype the dissenters as 'typical
conservative, racist, sexist, bigot, Freeper,
Zionist, homophobe, inbred, Fox News, wing nut, hate mongers.'
Then, building on that foundation, I am able to summarily dismiss everything that the dissenters have to say because (obviously) anyone who holds a differing opinion from a Huffer is mentally ill. (Too bad Amerika doesn't have those wonderful psychiatric hospitals and re-education camps like China and Russia. I used to love
going to camp).
If the unenlightened still refuse to conform to my point of view, or try to cloud the issue with FACTS, I appeal to my fellow libtard posters for backup. Via a democratic consensus, the enlightened among us organize into a grassroots cybermob and bully the dissenters with every ad hominem available (so be forewarned you inbred, fascist scum)!
Obviously this kind of reaction is a responsible use of power, and we Huffers make a difference every day in the all important blogosphere. (Because mean people suck, and their free expression is not welcomed on the
World Wide Web).
As a Huffer, I am continually working to create a better world. Will you help me in my efforts to quash wrong speech, wrong thoughts, wrong ideology, wrong curriculum, wrong rights and wrong freedoms? (The Bill of Rights is so problematic at times and should be disallowed in red states because it is an obstacle to socially responsible progress).
(Takes bong hit)
Power to the people baby!"
