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Luncheon Meat Truncheon 

Means a phallus. With attention drawn to meatiness, fleshiness and edibility. big giant squishy willy... oh yeah

Used by Jamie Theakston (he IS a celebrity, just a lame one).
"...and lo he drew forth his luncheon meat truncheon and jabbed at the gushing slot..."

luncheon meat truncheon 

The male genetalia - the penis.
Also see schlong, wang, cock, spam javelin, knob, dick, lad.
All of a sudden, jamie whipped out his luncheon meat truncheon and started spanking it.