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I dont know, can you? 

Person A: Teacher can i go to the bathroom?
Teacher: I dont know, can you?! 1?1!1!?11!!1
*Person A is annoyed as fuck*
Person A: Fuck you stupid fucktard teacher. Suck my balls and lick my ass!

If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

A phrase heard in the Pink Floyd song, "Another Brick in the Wall". Extremely funny.
Son: "Mom, can I have some pudding?"
Mom: "You haven't eaten your meat yet."
Son: "But mom!"
Mom: "Son, you know that: 'If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
Son: "Don't be quoting Pink Floyd on me again..."

can you don't 

Friend: I hate jews. I wish i was hitler, too bad he killed himself...
Me: Can you don't man.

if you don't play the craft, you can't get the shaft

When a girl wants you in her bed, but she doesn't play Minecraft, tell her this.
(me) Bitch I'm tryna start a minecraft server you in or nah?
(Jessica) Make me your bitch ;)
(me) Listen Jessica, if you don't play the craft, you can't get the shaft.

If you can’t handle me at my fruitcake, you don’t deserve me at my tiramisu

A play on “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”, with a little more specificity. Fruitcake is heavy and dense (stupid). Tiramisu is decadent, but light and perky (has it all).
He said I was being dramatic and irrational, so I told him, ‘if you can’t handle me at my fruitcake, you don’t deserve me at my tiramisu!’