the dirty liberal's definitions

bitch

Roughly 95% of all the girls in your average high school. They are known for pairing themselves up with jackasses (roughly 90% of all the boys in an average high school). Usually if you're trying to get a girl and you're neither gay nor a jackass, you're S.O.L. until college

Ordinary Guy: You look nice today.

Girl: Stop looking at my boobs, you perverted bastard!

Ordinary Guy: Well, I'm sorry. If it's not on the menu, don't put it out there! Jesus Christ, what a bitch!

Jackass: You look nice today.

Girl: How about we go to your car and have sex?

Jackass: Sounds like a plan to me. Don't tell the other girls I stuff, okay?

by the dirty liberal July 13, 2009

Quiet Guy Effect

The akward silence followed by hostility that quieter guys experience when talking to a girl. However, if a more outspoken guy says the exact same thing, it is tolerated and often respected. This occurs because of the assumption many (though not all) girls make that guys that don't talk much and keep to themselves are perverted.

Jackass: Care to hear a joke? (tells a dirty joke)

Girl: Hahahaha! That's funny. I'll have to remember that one.

Quieter Guy: (tells same dirty joke)

Girl: You perverted bastard! Is that all you ever think about? You'll never get any if you think jokes like that are funny. Go burn in hell, pervert!

Quieter Guy: Well, I'm probably not going to "get any" anytime soon anyway. God dammit, why do I always cause the Quiet Guy Effect no matter which girl I talk to?

by the dirty liberal July 14, 2009

sleepwhacking

The act of masturbating in one's sleep.

Teenager: Mom, can you wash my sheets? I had another wet dream.

Mom: God Dammit, have you been sleepwhacking AGAIN?

by the dirty liberal July 27, 2009

gut flush

The sudden and often violent series of bowel movements that occur after one has eating something his or her digestive system disagrees with. Often painful, this explosion leaves the recipient weak and tired but with a huge feeling of relief.

Guy 1: What are you going to KFC for?

Guy 2: I've been blocked for weeks. I need a gut flush so bad right now.

by the dirty liberal April 24, 2010

sit-n-shit

A synonym for toilet.

Do you mind if I use your sit-n-shit?

by the dirty liberal July 14, 2009

teenage driver syndrome

TDS is a condition in which younger drivers, particularly teenagers, begin driving like maniacs when there's absolutely no reason to do so. People with TDS don't usually realize their condition and thus blame it on the drivers who are forced to share the road with them.

Guy 1: That fucker cut me off!

Guy2: But you had the red light.

Guy 1: It doesn't matter! I was going to go and he cut me off!

Guy 2: Just let it go, man. It's not like we're in a hurry or anything.

Guy 1: I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!

Guy 2: Slow down! You've got a really bad case of TDS today.

Guy 1: TDS?

Guy 2: Teenage Driver Syndrome

by the dirty liberal November 29, 2009

throwjob

When someone throws up while giving someone else a BJ.

Mother: What's that noise?

Boy: What noise?

Mother: Oh my God, what is that naked lady on the computer doing?

Boy: Giving that guy a throwjob.

Mother: I think you need help.

by the dirty liberal December 19, 2009