6 definitions by the pro from dover
The philosophy of the Doofus. The doofus generally believes in the power of dooflessness. Doofusses were either A.) Dropped on their heads as children and haven't been able to get that moronic grin off their faces since, or B.) Become actual Dukes of Doofusism and immediately discover that "you don't want to be a Duke of Doofusism." (It involves an initiation ceremony of stretching, cutting, probing and other rather orifice exposing actions. No you don't want to be a Duke of Doofusism, indeed!) The Doofus believes in the magic of the doofus laugh. Although the classic doofus laugh is sincerely enjoyed by the doofus, it sounds like "high-fidelity peckerwood shit" to anyone with any cool at all.
Doofusism is different than most religions. For example, while Catholicism is the church of perpetual guilt. Doofuscism is the church of eternal chuckling at your own jokes (God knows, no one else will).
by the pro from dover July 29, 2010
Ron Hubbard's Way. A discipline for the mind and spirit. A specific path through the darkness. Your way beyond death. The biggest problem the Hubbard Haters have with Dianetics is the fact that it works! Live with it, Little Fellas.
Dianetics always comes back to the saying, "Knowing something is better than not knowing that thing." When you deal with Dianetics, Scientology makes sure you KNOW.
by the pro from dover March 28, 2011
This is a chuckle that sounds like the way a bobble-head doll would laugh after being tweaked. It has a certain amount of Mortimer Snerd in it. When the doofus executes this laugh correctly, said doofus will tend to drool on himself and possibly others. This is not a problem unless the entity who is drooled upon is a carrier of the Doofus gene. What happens then, you don't even want to know. But because this is a dictionary, I have to tell you.
A genetic match of drool and fool results in reverse cool. It's not a pretty sight. For example, the doofusse's (or Doofigh's) very existence can implode. In this implosion one can break out into slobbering tears like Rep. John Boehner did recently. That was a fine example of a Doofus laugh "gone south AND sissy."
by the pro from dover January 13, 2011
Other definitions of "doofus" lack the depth and degree of the term. A "doofus" is someone whose face jiggles like Richard Nixon when he falsely claims, "I am not a crook." Nixon was a darkside doofus. On the other hand Terrell Owens is a lightweight doofus. Not only does he rattle on like a moron, but his classic "face hanging out in front of his skull" is classic proof of Doofusism. George Bush would be a doofus if he wasn't such a Republican Peckerwood. The state of Republican Peckerwood inevitably leaves its host a drooling idiot. Look at Dick Cheney, for a strong example of lame-ass, senile yet psychotic Doofusism. In his last V.P. debate he starred in the role lame-ass doofus by laying across the podium like a too-pregnant wart-hog.
President Obama is something of a doofus, himself. He's a heroic doofus. He proves a doofus can be very intelligent and still be a doofus. He can outsmart the bad guys, save the planet and due to his glowing smile and Martian ears still be a "a face hanging out in front of his skull," doofus.
by the pro from dover July 29, 2010
The greatest film in history. "Fail-Safe" was a perfect production crossed with an ultimate cast. Made in 1964 it may have saved the planet. It showed what might happen if the "nuke 'em' system" fucked-up. Fail-Safe sobered its audiences. It made the world more "nuclear smart." Writers Burdick and Heller haunted the world with their view of a possibly tragic future.
You're the president of the United States. Your bombers have "blown past" their "fail-safe points" in a tragic error. As you and your translator "sweat blood," end of the world destiny unfolds right before your very eyes in "Fail-Safe."
by the pro from dover April 20, 2011
Someone who eventually shoots himself in the groin while playing quick-draw with a sawed off shotgun. A person of low I.Q., unlimited paranoia and, generally speaking, a southern accent. Also known as a "fucking yee-haw." He loves lynching black people and is haunted forever by the African-Americans who return from the dead to mess with him in his dreams/nightmares. Peckerwood hell is forever! His love of the NRA will be forever dulled by the tiny penis and balls that he blew off his scrawny ass crotch. His final comment, "No big thing!"
George W. Bush is the ultimate peckerwood. He's a drunk. He's an idiot. He's only 5'7" tall, but he orders the world to believe he's a six-footer. He intimidated or bribed the L.A. Times into calling him 5'11 3/4." If he ever falls off his mother's high-heeled shoes (yick), unless he lands on his petrified and empty head, he will be crushed in the fall. During his simultaneously evil and lame presidency, he drunkenly choked-himself-out with a pretzel. Then one of his dogs, in an apparent effort to bring the Crawford Creep back to consciousness, peed on him. Now that's a drunken peckerwood!
by the pro from dover August 13, 2010