3 definition by smegmanutz

*at club*
Guy: That bitch didn't wanna come back with me. fucking whore!
Friend: Isn't that the misogynist paradox?
Guy: Fuck you nigga!

Doctor: After extensive testing, we've concluded that your father's Bregma has been severely compromised.

Daughter: Oh my god, how long does he have?
Doctor: We can't be 100 percent certain but it's a similar prognosis to LIGMA and BOFA. You are also at risk, therefore I recommend you try a radical pioneering treatment. It's called Sugondese.

Daughter: Sugondese?
Doctor: Sugondese nutz

Son: "Dad, I hope you are still able to read and comprehend this text. The doctors called and told me you only have a day or two and you are drifting further into oblivion as each hour passes. My platoon is pinned down in this hell hole of a valley and surrounded on all sides by the advancing Borneo Free Militia. They are ruthless and brutal and we are sitting ducks waiting to be swept upon in a grotesque frenzy.

Despite these forlorn circumstances, I made a vow many years ago-before I arrived here-that I would be by your side in your final days. I intend on upholding that promise. Even if I have to sprint those 6 miles out to sea alone with nothing but my rifle and your lucky hatchet on my hip, I will make it there. I will move heaven and earth-and believe me-you will once again feel my hand in yours."

Sent at 03:56 AM

Dad: "SMDTM"

Received 3 mins ago