6 definitions by pale fire

In the midst of a ferocious blow job, the male member can spontaneously wang to one side and out of alignment with the oral oriface. This is problematic since, through simple physical mechanisms, the most common destination of the wanging willy is the concavity of the blow job giver's eye socket. The result is almost universally a black eye. Panda Eyes are achieved when the owner of the wanging willy deliberately wangs towards the other eye socket in a quest for bilateral symmetry!

Verb form - to pandarise
Margot saved on eye makeup after persuading the local butcher to give her Panda Eyes.

Alice: Go easy on my mouth!
Bob: Take it... take it
Alice: Ow... my eye!
Bob: Yeehaw.. ooo yeah
Alice: Oh nooo, my other eye!
Bob: That's right baby

Upon her return home from the local alcoholics anonymous group, Sybil was taken aside by Percival and pandarised.
by pale fire August 22, 2008
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When one part of a woman is a sodden bog of sex juices whereas another is drier than a desert.
Clown: "Hell, if your bumhole doesn't juice up anytime soon my cock is going to break off"
Bag Lady: "Hey, just stuff it in my mouth for now, I'm having an arousal disequilibrium at the moment"
by pale fire August 22, 2008
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A retributive procedure for avenging one's girlfriend's frigidity of the previous night involving a rather cruel artifice (note - artifice, not oriface, although it is quite possible that her orifaces may well have been cruel, hence the ease of confusion).

Procedure - the perpetrator must make sure that he awakens in the morning before the victim. Like a secret sex-ninja he must have a silent wraith-wank, being careful to ensure that any bed wobbling does not awaken the victim. After his sausage-basting reaches climax, he must dab a finger tip in the resulting cheddar-puddle and rub a sufficient amount of his monkey-spunk along the closed edges of the victim's eyelids, making sure that the eyelashes have a sufficient glazing of knob-gloop so as to become intractably stuck to one another.
After pausing to allow for drying and cementation, the perpetrator lights a few matches and blows them out quickly, allowing some of the thick smoke to drift into the victim's nostrils. After she begins to stir at the noxious smell wafting into her alternative nasal cock tunnels, the perpetrator must shout, as loudly and as anxiously as possible, "FIRE, FIRE... THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.. YOU ARE ON FIRE!"

I blind man's bluffed her good and proper, yes siree.

by pale fire August 22, 2008
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Woman who, on account of a case of severe lethargic nymphomania, seldom leaves the confines of her bed. The legs of such a woman, it is conjectured, would slowly begin to fuse into one were her lady tunnel not constantly inundated by wave after wave of avid lovers. This is all very well, you might think, but the nearest shower is in the other room and so she smells of rotten fish.
Larry: "Aah...Suze is such a wonderful woman"
Barry: "Get lost, mate, she's a fricking mermaid, for goodness sake!"
Garry: "Have you both lost your minds? She's made out of latex"
by pale fire August 22, 2008
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The cries emitted by a woman under intense sexual pleasure. Often mistaken by neighbours for incoherent babbling in some ancient, esoteric language.

Can often be remedied with a witch slap
News reporter: "Father O'Brien was last night called to an apartment in Canary Wharf after neighbours reported hearing what sounded like the wail of the banshee"
by pale fire August 22, 2008
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Colloquialisation of the word sphincter after one has suffered a donkey punch. The sphincter muscle coils away in a spiral motion somewhat reminiscent of the opening to a wormhole in science fiction films.
Riker: "Permission to giggle at that warp hole, Captain"
Jean Luc: "Make it so!"

Astronomers are today turning their telescopes in the direction of an exciting new discovery of a warp hole.
by pale fire August 22, 2008
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