Definitions by matt5000

facebook jesus

when miracles happen via facebook you thank your online savior.

I never have to talk to that girl again b/c she saw my tagged pics on facebook. Thank you facebook Jesus.

facebook jesus by matt5000 June 28, 2010

honest boner

An erection that is 100% spontaneous and almost always uncontrollable. Typically happening early teen years but rarely past the early 20s.

I have to be careful around Zooey b/c she gives me an honest boner so easily.

honest boner by matt5000 June 27, 2010

chewner 

Sneezing with a boner.

I always here Matt sneezing when he's in his room and I can never find the gd pepper. I know he's in there with a chewner.

chewner by matt5000 June 27, 2010

Whiskey Dew Finger 

1) is a situation that occurs when one is drunk and wiping their own ass. Slippage of the toilet paper occurs and the end result is fecal matter on the digits of the wiper. Rumor has it that in the Middle East everyone has a bad case of Whiskey Dew Finger because they have no trees and we want all of their oil. World peace will not be achieved until Middle Eastern people realize that Whiskey Dew Finger is socially unacceptable and tp for oil is an even trade.

2) An awkward sexual situation that is the result of unapproved anal play by the fucker dominating from the doggie style position.

Matt: “Hey Rob, you want some cheetos?”
Rob: “Nah thanks, I got a bad case of Whiskey Dew Finger”

Whiskey Dew Finger by matt5000 June 2, 2010

Vegan Anal 

the mind blowing sexual act performed on/with a vegan anally. Vegans do not eat red meat and thus have very clean colons resulting in clean and stress free anal

“Dude, you get nasty with that Margaret girl yet?”
“Breh it was righteous….got that supreme Vegan Anal.”

Vegan Anal by matt5000 June 2, 2010

Jersey Butterfinger 

a skeezly sexual maneuver typically performed from the doggie style position. The situation occurs when the fucker in the dominate dog position performs an unauthorized Whiskey Dew Finger and then fish hooks the mouth of the submissive dog fucker.

Guy 1: “Did you hear that Pauly D lost his index finger attempting to Jersey Butterfinger some whore?”

Guy 2: “I heard it was some dude.”

Guy 1: "word"

Jersey Butterfinger by matt5000 June 2, 2010

state school fucking

A fucking that is so no holds barred that it must come from a person that spent the majority of their teenage days not studying the classics but rather studying the art of fucko. 2.) A fucking with no brakes.

I put a straight state school fucking on that private school bitch and she got all swim fan on my ass.

state school fucking by matt5000 May 25, 2010