Definitions by geekmalone
Winged Monkeys in the Media
All of the subservient little morons in the media who deliver the DNC's message to the masses. The message, although usually destructive to the country, is delivered in a sing-songity "Aren't we glad we're all part of this" tone which drives its acceptance.
"The Winged Monkeys in the Media will say this is all normal and natural, you are only imagining higher prices for groceries, Ukraine is a democracy, and Trump is Hitler's lying taint."
--Scott Adams on X
--Scott Adams on X
Winged Monkeys in the Media by geekmalone July 1, 2024
Getty Imagery
Mike: Let's take a selfie together in our new car.
Jen: Why? That's just weird.
Mike: Come on... We're just like the people in the brochure!
Jen: I've been meaning to talk to you about this.
Mike: What baby? We have a trendy apartment, great fashion sense, and now a new car.
Jen: I'm worried that you suffer from Getty Imagery.
Mike: That stock photo thing?
Jen: Yes. Our apartment sucks, you look like shit most of the time, and we'll be paying for that car for 7 years.
Mike: Yeah but the photo is the only thing that matters. I can post it on all my social media accounts.
Jen: Hmm.
Jen: Why? That's just weird.
Mike: Come on... We're just like the people in the brochure!
Jen: I've been meaning to talk to you about this.
Mike: What baby? We have a trendy apartment, great fashion sense, and now a new car.
Jen: I'm worried that you suffer from Getty Imagery.
Mike: That stock photo thing?
Jen: Yes. Our apartment sucks, you look like shit most of the time, and we'll be paying for that car for 7 years.
Mike: Yeah but the photo is the only thing that matters. I can post it on all my social media accounts.
Jen: Hmm.
Getty Imagery by geekmalone June 4, 2024
THE PLAN 2022
Gates: I hereby call the September 2022 meeting of the Democrat Inner Circle Society "DICS" to order.
Buffett: Okay let's get down to business. Can we decide the winners of all elections in November 2022 like we did in 2020?
Gates: Uh... no.
Bezos: The state legislatures tripped us up in almost every state with new "Voter Integrity Laws".
Buffett: I'll be Goddamned if the citizens think they can choose their own representatives! We need a new scheme.
Fink: Sir? I have an idea... I've been thinking about it. Our main obstacle is poll watchers. They're watching for things like thumb drives and bins full of fake ballots. But poll watchers are humans, and humans need sleep after about 16 hours. We need to create a delay that pushes the vote processing out longer than 16 hours. Then we will have unmonitored power to choose the winners.
Buffett: I think I like it... But how will we delay the processing?
Fink: We tell the voters that there are equipment problems.
Buffett: So the voters stand there waiting to vote?
Fink: No. The voters will be allowed to vote, but we'll tell them that they need to put their ballots into "secure boxes" so they can be scanned later when the machines are working. Then after the poll watchers leave, we swap out the boxes of real ballots for boxes of fake ballots.
Buffett: I love it! Okay that's THE PLAN 2022! Well what the hell are we waiting for?
Buffett: Okay let's get down to business. Can we decide the winners of all elections in November 2022 like we did in 2020?
Gates: Uh... no.
Bezos: The state legislatures tripped us up in almost every state with new "Voter Integrity Laws".
Buffett: I'll be Goddamned if the citizens think they can choose their own representatives! We need a new scheme.
Fink: Sir? I have an idea... I've been thinking about it. Our main obstacle is poll watchers. They're watching for things like thumb drives and bins full of fake ballots. But poll watchers are humans, and humans need sleep after about 16 hours. We need to create a delay that pushes the vote processing out longer than 16 hours. Then we will have unmonitored power to choose the winners.
Buffett: I think I like it... But how will we delay the processing?
Fink: We tell the voters that there are equipment problems.
Buffett: So the voters stand there waiting to vote?
Fink: No. The voters will be allowed to vote, but we'll tell them that they need to put their ballots into "secure boxes" so they can be scanned later when the machines are working. Then after the poll watchers leave, we swap out the boxes of real ballots for boxes of fake ballots.
Buffett: I love it! Okay that's THE PLAN 2022! Well what the hell are we waiting for?
THE PLAN 2022 by geekmalone November 16, 2022
Help Me Spock
An international movement named after a line spoken in the "The Savage Curtain" episode of Star Trek in 1966 where Vulcan character Surak repeatedly cries out "Help me Spock" from behind a rock formation.
Although having its name based on the aforementioned Star Trek episode, the Help Me Spock movement is completely undefined and has been interpreted in many ways, including getting its own song by the band Warp 11 in 2008.
The vague nature of the Help Me Spock movement may very well be the reason for its appeal to millions of followers worldwide.
Although having its name based on the aforementioned Star Trek episode, the Help Me Spock movement is completely undefined and has been interpreted in many ways, including getting its own song by the band Warp 11 in 2008.
The vague nature of the Help Me Spock movement may very well be the reason for its appeal to millions of followers worldwide.
Help Me Spock by geekmalone October 17, 2022
politihate
The fuckheads at Urban Dictionary deleted 45 of my definitions because I have a different political perspective than them. A clear case of politihate.
politihate by geekmalone September 14, 2022
The Load
Words added to a headline by a writer in a desperate attempt to lessen its incongruency with his or her political agenda
Mike (reading) DeSantis signs anti-vax mandate into law even as some supporters grumble.
Jen: I'm so sick of The Load these days.
Mike: The Load?
Jen: Yeah. The shit that journalists add to the headline like "even as some supporters grumble". There are no grumbling supporters. It's just shit that journalists add to headlines because the story doesn't fit their sad little socialist agenda.
Mike: Fox News does the same fucking thing!
Jen: So that makes it all okay?
Mike: Uh... No. So I guess you're right this time.
Jen: Now THAT is a fucking headline!
Jen: I'm so sick of The Load these days.
Mike: The Load?
Jen: Yeah. The shit that journalists add to the headline like "even as some supporters grumble". There are no grumbling supporters. It's just shit that journalists add to headlines because the story doesn't fit their sad little socialist agenda.
Mike: Fox News does the same fucking thing!
Jen: So that makes it all okay?
Mike: Uh... No. So I guess you're right this time.
Jen: Now THAT is a fucking headline!
The Load by geekmalone November 18, 2021
Suicide Bomber Journalism
Knowingly engaging in dishonest journalism with the belief that the effect of the dishonesty will outweigh the penalty from the dishonesty. Examples of Suicide Bomber Journalism include malicious editing of a piece and leaving material facts out of a piece.
Sixty Minutes engaged in Suicide Bomber Journalism in their interview of Governor Rick DeSantis. Their editing of the piece was quite malicious indeed. It's unlikely that their viewers will ever know or care.
Suicide Bomber Journalism by geekmalone April 8, 2021