frank klaune's definitions

soften the meat

Phrase used to describe a police officer's application of the baton upside the head of some stupid bastard who deserves it.

Frank was watching "COPS" last night when we were over. We watched some dudes who stole some poor lady's car and went on a high speed chase all over town. They rammed several cop cars then totalled the stolen car on an embankment. Damn, it was good to see the officers soften the meat on the driver!

by Frank Klaune May 1, 2005

Polish fly swatter

The spash screen placed in the bottom of a urinal to stop spattering pissors from getting ocean spray on their trousers. The Polish fly swatter often is embedded with a urinal cake or scented sustance to enable you to spend many hours of enchanting sniffing in such a delightful environment.

Damn, what the hell? Some sick bastard stuck a Polish fly swatter in my gym bag last night!

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005

über moron

One of many possible fun uses of the über prefix. An über moron represents the pinnacle of pea-brain, the apex of asshole and the depth of dipshit. An über moron embodies the highest (or is that the lowest) level of stupid, home-grown, industrial strentgh, heavy duty idiocy.

Damn, we just convinced Frank that he grew up on a mayonnaise farm. Now he's looking it up online. Man, he's such an über moron!

by Frank Klaune March 21, 2005

furp

The loud sound generated by the rapid oscillation of the anal sphincter which is a direct result of the expulsion of a considerable volume of intestinal gas at great force which causes an overwhelming aroma of nauseating proportion.

"Grotee let a furp go and, man, you could feel the ground shake, and afterward, damn, I almost vomited."

by Frank Klaune November 22, 2003

silly swords

Common game for young males, "silly swords" involves using two (or more) competing streams of urine as if they were swords in a sword fight. Unlike a pissfight or pissing contest, urinating on the competition is never allowed. The urine stream is only used against the other person's stream, just like a sword fight.

Jimmy and Frank were in the back yard playing silly swords.

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

packing house

Analogy used to describe the awful, horrid, putrid stench area otherwise known as "the zone" which often surrounds the easy chair in which "'Ol Fuse" is sitting. This is particularly true on an evening when he's in rare form after a meal of flatulent fart factory food.

(On any given Saturday evening with a full moon, a poor victim innocently wanders into the living room) "So, what's on TV? Is there anything tha... (and our hapless victim now stumbles into "the zone") "..wha... AUUGGGHHHHHH!!! OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, FUSE, GO TAKE A SHIT! IT SMELLS LIKE A PACKING HOUSE IN HERE!!!"

by Frank Klaune March 29, 2005

jim jam

Code-word euphemism for semen. Combination of "jim" (black slang for "penis") and jam (obvious implication). Often used in polite conversation to add a subtle, humorous sexual reference to a sexual act.

"Frank might be a bit late for dinner. He had to change his pants since he spilled some jim jam on them."

by Frank Klaune March 7, 2004