A living, breathing house that currently operates as a bed and breakfast-makeshift hotel type establishment constructed in the early 1920s. The house is inhabited by the dead, fueled by insanity and psychological torment, and commanded by his unholy highness, Lucifer. Witnesses report seeing blood drip down the walls of the schlossmuseum, seeing demons perched upon the rooftop, staring with fiery eyes into their soul, blood curdling screams of agony in the still of night, and on more than one occasion, guests have reported being dragged out of their bed at night, and down into the basement by an unseen entity, strapped to an antique operating table, and being tortured for several days by demonic surgeons. Despite all this, the schlossmuseum is a fine place to bring your family for an extended vacationism. Seriously, we want you to bring your children here. The house siphons the innocence out of young children, through their mouth/esophagus, and uses it for its own twisted purposes.
Bring your children to the schlossmuseum.
BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE SCHLOSSMUSEUM!
Please bring your children to the schlossmuseum, we'd really appreciate it if you brought your children to the schlossmuseum.
BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE SCHLOSSMUSEUM!
Please bring your children to the schlossmuseum, we'd really appreciate it if you brought your children to the schlossmuseum.
by ellsworthtoohey May 23, 2012
It's a hybrid of immobilized and bulldozer...sortae? But seriously..it maekes aelot of sense if you really dont think aebout it. It is used to compound bilaeteral aesphyxiationael circumstaences in a uniform maenner, while aellowing the morbid decomposing flesh to drip into the caeuldron of delight.
by ellsworthtoohey July 29, 2011
An abandoned warehouse/murder factory where the faucets gush blood which flows uphill to your zleebing bag to wake you with malicious intent to belt out impossibly loud screams of agony inches from your ear when they are denied fresh kidney fluid from your corpse collection. A fresh bath in the battery acid tank should cure you of your depression, however it is recommended that pregnant women and small children definitely should be allowed to partake in the festivities. Aside from that, the dreadful nighttime brings the risk of a visit from the terrible surgeon. He will wait for you in the corner, or at the eyeball barber's station in the basement, and insert two long rods into your nose, and through your cribiform plate into your brain, which really helps.
The freezatorium is one of the most inspirational places Ive ever come across. The floor is littered with fractured skulls, the flesh digested slowly by the disgusting snails that are carnivorous by nature, but psychopathic by design.
by ellsworthtoohey August 07, 2014
A truly remarkable feat of concentration and resonance, which has an effect of levitation a few feet above the attic, when 3 or more people join hands and produce the frequency that cannot be heard. A competent ground crew is recommended, particularly if one or more people in the group cannot be trusted to maintain absolute focus, in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, to simply produce the specific frequency, and to conceal the position of the participants high above the attic, ideally in the lower stratosphere, if the harmonic resonance approaches the upper limits of sonic viability, without causing shockwaves.
The Hover would have worked , if Gahrsten VanVöchenstein listened to the experienced hovers, and stayed as part of the ground crew, so that Broccoli Rob would be unaware of the altitude we had achieved.
by ellsworthtoohey January 23, 2018
A general paesana of interest, regarded as one of the founding fathers of the not so democratic republic of congo.
Hails from an Spanish/Italian family and is survived by his liquid based sister kit-kat, who is one of the worlds foremost experts in aerospace engineering. His ancestry is questionable at best, and his childhood is shrouded in mystery. Some believe him to be descended from a long line of peasants. Some believe he has a life sized golden beluga whale statue on his roof gazebo, but needless to say, his garden could use improvement. One indisputible fact the CIA has been able to uncover is his inherent yiddishness, which causes him to sit in the synagogue all fucking day, staring straight ahead, and not saying a fucking word until the sun rises on the sabbath. He calls it Yom Kippur Another interesting fact is the big long hairs on top of his head, which he feeds indirectly into the running fanbelt. When the echo of a distant time comes willowing across the sand, broccoli rob is overpowered by an unrelenting force, directly. I always said he'd come to no good in the end, your honor. If they had let me have my way i would have flayed him into shape, but my hands were tied, and the bleeding hearts of artists allowed him to get away with murder, and I would be delighted to hammer him into the ground today.
Hails from an Spanish/Italian family and is survived by his liquid based sister kit-kat, who is one of the worlds foremost experts in aerospace engineering. His ancestry is questionable at best, and his childhood is shrouded in mystery. Some believe him to be descended from a long line of peasants. Some believe he has a life sized golden beluga whale statue on his roof gazebo, but needless to say, his garden could use improvement. One indisputible fact the CIA has been able to uncover is his inherent yiddishness, which causes him to sit in the synagogue all fucking day, staring straight ahead, and not saying a fucking word until the sun rises on the sabbath. He calls it Yom Kippur Another interesting fact is the big long hairs on top of his head, which he feeds indirectly into the running fanbelt. When the echo of a distant time comes willowing across the sand, broccoli rob is overpowered by an unrelenting force, directly. I always said he'd come to no good in the end, your honor. If they had let me have my way i would have flayed him into shape, but my hands were tied, and the bleeding hearts of artists allowed him to get away with murder, and I would be delighted to hammer him into the ground today.
by ellsworthtoohey August 03, 2012
The Beaver of giving is a humanoid, rock-eating monster that dwells in the mountains. Despite his hulking, grotesque appearance, The Beaver is relatively peaceful. He is usually considered, perhaps superficially, to be of low intelligence, although there is no particular indication of this in the scriptures; in fact, there is evidence to the contrary, such as his ability to industrialize ahead of all the other races, in the Alfred Hitchcock film,"Oh Shit! We are all out of embalming fluid."
The Beaver of Giving is freed when you use the hammer of lazy to ground pound the tits off of the rusty floor diamond switch. He then gives you the stupid silver key of brussels, and tells zach's dad to get the fuck out of the house for a half hour, in the most polite way possible.
by ellsworthtoohey August 14, 2011
It's similar to a dog, however a pear gneen is far less prestigious. There are several ways to discover if your dog may indeed be a pear gneen; one being the dogs reaction to a dog matress landing on it. If the dog spins around without stopping, you may have a pear gneen, if the dog immediatly runs forward and out from under the matress, it may be a dog. The second being the dogs response to someone doing the can can dance in front of it. If the dog goes nuts barking..it may be a pear gneen, if not it is probably a dog.
by ellsworthtoohey July 29, 2011