ellsworthtoohey's definitions

The schlossmuseum

A living, breathing house that currently operates as a bed and breakfast-makeshift hotel type establishment constructed in the early 1920s. The house is inhabited by the dead, fueled by insanity and psychological torment, and commanded by his unholy highness, Lucifer. Witnesses report seeing blood drip down the walls of the schlossmuseum, seeing demons perched upon the rooftop, staring with fiery eyes into their soul, blood curdling screams of agony in the still of night, and on more than one occasion, guests have reported being dragged out of their bed at night, and down into the basement by an unseen entity, strapped to an antique operating table, and being tortured for several days by demonic surgeons. Despite all this, the schlossmuseum is a fine place to bring your family for an extended vacationism. Seriously, we want you to bring your children here. The house siphons the innocence out of young children, through their mouth/esophagus, and uses it for its own twisted purposes.

Bring your children to the schlossmuseum.
BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE SCHLOSSMUSEUM!

Please bring your children to the schlossmuseum, we'd really appreciate it if you brought your children to the schlossmuseum.

by ellsworthtoohey November 2, 2012

the chair of nails

A 15th century relaxation seat, used to force people to adhere to the churches teachings, by forcing 1 1/4 inch brass tacks across the entire back half of the body. The nails are sterilized after each use...with a hose. Can nowadays be found on cruise ship decks, in luxury high rise apartments, discerning golf clubhouse lounges, and as seats in high end private jets owned by bankers/criminals. Has mainly become a luxury item, affordable only by well to do yuppies, due to its ability to relax and revitalize in just under a fortnight.

The chair of nails is useful in many ways. The chair of nails cured me of my tuberculosis, and gave me horrific reoccuring nightmares. I reccomend the junior model, which can be used on children ages 3-12, with included restraints, and gravity feed bloodbucket. Believe me your children will never forgive you if you fail to purchase one, and subsequently force them to use it.

by ellsworthtoohey August 7, 2011

stone macdonaling

The act of burger procurement via the window of giving and recieving, around the corner from the talking wall of all knowing, all while in the viscinity of Southern Europe aka under las influenzias de mota/afterspice.

The big fat clown of minnesota will crush your hood using his gargantuan stomping boots, if you attempt to go from the talking wall of all knowing to the window of giving and recieving, while stone macdonaling in reverse. Afterwards, the Ped King will feast on your remains.

by ellsworthtoohey August 25, 2011

le morth pion

C'est le grand morth pion. Il nourrit sur le nectar doux d'ampoule. Il a tendance à le faire d'humeur difficile. Le seul moyen pour tuer l'est d'éteindre la lumière. Toutefois, le morth pion du peut voler à une autre source légère.

C'est le grand morth pion.

le morth pion

by ellsworthtoohey August 7, 2011

imobo-bobolodozer

It's a hybrid of immobilized and bulldozer...sortae? But seriously..it maekes aelot of sense if you really dont think aebout it. It is used to compound bilaeteral aesphyxiationael circumstaences in a uniform maenner, while aellowing the morbid decomposing flesh to drip into the caeuldron of delight.

The beaver of giving is thoroughly confused by the imobo-bobolodozer.

by ellsworthtoohey July 30, 2011

the beaver of giving

The Beaver of giving is a humanoid, rock-eating monster that dwells in the mountains. Despite his hulking, grotesque appearance, The Beaver is relatively peaceful. He is usually considered, perhaps superficially, to be of low intelligence, although there is no particular indication of this in the scriptures; in fact, there is evidence to the contrary, such as his ability to industrialize ahead of all the other races, in the Alfred Hitchcock film,"Oh Shit! We are all out of embalming fluid."

The Beaver of Giving is freed when you use the hammer of lazy to ground pound the tits off of the rusty floor diamond switch. He then gives you the stupid silver key of brussels, and tells zach's dad to get the fuck out of the house for a half hour, in the most polite way possible.

by ellsworthtoohey August 23, 2011

glandasm

The feeling your mouthtongue gets when you eat well on the exotic promises of salt and vinegar chips against the gross wall of disgust located in the back of your ass-mouth and makes your tonsils spit the rancid spit-semon into your face-throat

KCLinda hasnt had a glandasm in years.

by ellsworthtoohey August 7, 2011