colin cummerbund's definitions

Doing a Searby

Going to the pub during your work lunch-break and consuming a meat pie and at least four pints of beer. The effect is doubled if the person doing a Searby has grey curly hair.

Oi, Dave. Are you going to the canteen for lunch?

No, I'm doing a Searby.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsy dogging

A variety of dogging popular in arty circles. Instead of using cars the homosexual participants arrive on penny-farthings and bugger each other senseless.

Oi queer boy. Why the big bike.

Oh, I'm off for a bit of Briggsy dogging in Clumber Park.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsy's Special Lube

Acne pus. Used by pretentious artists as gay-love lube.

Briggsy: Why pay for vaseline when my beautiful face produces copious amounts of Briggsy's Special Lube free of charge?

by Colin Cummerbund October 18, 2006

Briggsy Brothel

A type of Brothel worked by only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled prostitutes. These women can't do business with regular clients as they are so repulsive no one would pay for them. Instead they are condemned to a Briggsy Brothel where only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled clients go. Regular prostitutes won't do business with these clients as they are so repellant. Thus the Briggsy Brothel matches up hideous hookers with repulsive johns. The BB is such a niche profession that the hookers are frequently idle. These disused prostitutional wastes pass the time by exchanging treasured possessions such as genital warts and fanny slugs.

What's that building the Dwarf's entering?

Aah that'll be a Briggsy Brothel.

by Colin Cummerbund September 8, 2006

Briggsy's Art Police

Otherwise known as Briggsy's Gay Mafia. A bunch of pretentious artists who punish the non-arty. They march through cities and verbally abuse anyone who dares to walk past an art gallery without going in and jizzing their pants in artistic excitement. Briggsy's Art Police is made up of all the artists who have been anally pleasured by Briggsy and who worship the dwarf as their god.

Better not walk past Tate Modern without going in. Briggsy's Art Police will be patrolling and I don't fancy being harangued by a gaggle of mincing queers.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsymunting

The act of trawling arty pubs for munters. The artist will chat up the munter then take her back to his place for deviant sex. In most cases the munter weighs well over 250 pounds.

What are you up to tonight, art boy?

Me? I'm off to Pastel for some Briggsymunting.

by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006

Feldman frotteurism

A specialised form of frotteurism which is performed in art galleries during a busy exhibition. The Feldman frotteur will then scrape his secretions from his y-fronts and add them to his paints. Usually done by aging yellow-haired ex-hippies.

So why were you put on the sex offenders' register?

I was caught committing Feldman frotteurism.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006