5 definitions by butlerj

Top Definition
Slang term for tonsilloliths, or tonsil stones. Tonsil turds are irregularly shaped, whitish/yellow, foul-smelling globs of mucous and bacteria that get caught in the back of the throat. They form in the tonsil crypts which are simply small pockets or divots that appear in everyones tonsils. The scientific name for these white globs is tonsilloliths.
Last week when I was sick, I hacked up huge shitty smelling tonsil turds.
by butlerj May 20, 2005
Mug icon
Buy a Tonsil Turd mug!
Stanky pudding is a term for female genitalia engaged in cunnilingus, while also in need of hygienic attention. This could be due to performing physical activity in a hot environment but not having access to sufficient cleaning facilities for a day or more afterwards.
Jill: "I wanted to teach Jack a lesson about shoving his nasty wiener in my face after he's done at the gym. So after my two week camping trip with no running water, I stopped at his house on my way home and gave him the stanky pudding. Unfortunately, he loved it."

Jack: "Jill missed me so much while she was camping, she stopped at my house on her way home and sat on my face. I came all over the ceiling."
by butlerj March 21, 2014
Mug icon
Buy a stanky pudding mug!
The schedule one's body sets for its regular bowel movements. This schedule can be shifted to very inconvenient times by traveling to different timezones, or dramatic changes in diet or daily activities.
I can't sleep in on my days off because my internal poop clock is permanently set to 6:30a.m.
by butlerj February 18, 2011
Mug icon
Buy a poop clock mug!
A sneaky Hastert involves performing an unwelcome sexual act, under the pretense of performing some other helpful action. The name comes from former house speaker Dennis Hastert, who allegedly molested members of a wrestling team he coached, under the pretense of assisting with the treatment of sport related injuries.
Person A: My groin cramped up in wrestling practice again, and the coach offered to help me stretch it out.

Person B: Oh, that was helpful.

Person A: It would have been, but while I was writing in pain, he jacked me off and fingered my asshole, then ran away while laughing maniacally and sniffing his fingers.

Person B: Ah, the old sneaky Hastert.

Person A: Yeah, I feel so violated.
by butlerj June 15, 2016
Mug icon
Buy a sneaky hastert mug!
A tard guard is a safety mechanism put in place to prevent people from doing something that anyone with normal intelligence wouldn't do anyway.
I was late for work because the tard guard on the garage door opener is broken. Everytime the door is nearly closed, it stops and opens again.
by butlerj January 11, 2018
Mug icon
Buy a Tard guard mug!