Bobotomy

The first in a planned series of personalized brain surgeries which remove all traces of the common character traits of all the Bobs you ever knew. The steadfastness and resolve of the “Robert”, and the good looks and endearments of “Rob” in him are left alone, but all the fun-loving eccentricities and the “no pun left behind” attitude simply disappear on the cutting room floor. If the clinic is proven to successfully restructure Bob, the Joebotomy will arrive in time for the election. Any old Joe you choose can be transformed with a few deft cuts to become Barack or Bill-like at the molecular level. The Flobotomy follows and offers back a serious insurance agent where once only a floozy lived.

Bob had tried all of the run of the mill brain surgeries to make himself more docile, less irritating...but when the Bobotomy was introduced in ‘19 he was first in line for it and he was able to live a benign yet fruitful life. Never again would the world be subjected to bad puns and childish practical jokes.

by You rReal Name August 19, 2020

Cuncillor

A contraction of “cunning councillors”, those elected municipal representatives who are so smart they invent projects that always benefit their bank accounts FIRST while ONLY APPEARING to benefit the townspeople. Also can be used as an expletive to express a general dissatisfaction with elected officials.

There was no doubt that after the Contentious debate the Cuncillors were responsible for the flawed contract. It paid them each 5% of the gross deal under the table and townsfolk paid only double the going rate for asphalt paving.

by You rReal Name July 25, 2020

underdo

The complete lack of the ability to complete tasks with the normally accepted level of completeness from an average intellect. Ineffective. Lazy, but does actually perform small tasks on occasion.

Bob, despite many years of experience, was a complete failure at finishing jobs of a high quality. Instead, he would inevitably underdo even the simplest of tasks. He left so much to be completed by others and would always be underdue as well.

by You rReal Name February 24, 2022

Autovile

Any person who has spent enough money on a car that he/she becomes unbearably prejudiced whenever conversing about cars.
Alternate: A person standing alone being an absolute jerk.

I find that, at parties, when I try to talk about various great cars that an autovile will inevitably steal the conversation by claiming he has tried them all and ended up in an audience} so privileged that I have to leave, lest I have to give him an expunation of my disgust.

by You rReal Name November 22, 2019

behearer

One who had the actual soundwaves enter their ear canal and become a signal to their brains. One who heard something first hand (first ear?) with no alterations induced by people who passed on their opinions of what was heard.

Beautiful music exists ONLY in the ear of the behearer What may be squeaks and squawks to you may be be the music of angels to another. Nothing can duplicate the music beheard live in a concert. And God said: “Behear what I say unto you for it’s vibrations shall bring you joy!

by You rReal Name January 04, 2021

con-dom

The magical, mystical, heavenly home of all the prisoners in the universe.

Bob, the anal rapist, was about to get a key to con-dom heaven, the judge would for sure throw the bookie at him and he prepared for the wurst prison possible. A year at the most, he said to himself as the word "life" sizzled into his penis sized brain. His heart raced. Beads of sweat...Bob: "A year in heaven is less than I deserved, butt thank you sir! I shall do my best to keep them al happy!" (www . youtu.be/-48OFresMkI)

by You rReal Name July 09, 2020

dyslogic

A genetic anomaly resulting in a person who perceives the logical relationships among facts completely backwards. This is the mental equivalent of perceiving words backwards even though the eyes are seeing them correctly. When asked, a dislogic person will identify as a rebel, a free thinker, innovative, or even brilliant....because their brains will always perceive the exact opposite of reality.

Bob was always spouting off the most obstinate and offensive opinions on every topic he blogged about. He would never admit to suffering from being dyslogic, he could never admit that his continual stream of distasteful views was anything other than channeling of God’s word to the uneducated masses. The moral compass of the dyslogic person forever points south, the easiest path to walk is uphill, the individual is seen to be stronger opponent than an entire battalion,. When a person with a dyslogic brain looks in a mirror, he sees only what he is not and what he will never be.

by You rReal Name January 07, 2021