Definitions by Two Hep Cats

Dinero Deficit Disorder 

Deep depression caused by chronic lack of money.

My shrink says I have Dinero Deficit Disorder. I went broke paying him for therapy.

Dinero Deficit Disorder by Two Hep Cats November 20, 2010

asstorrhoid

A hemorrhoid the size of a meteor. And twice as hot.

I can't go horseback riding with you tomorrow, dude.

Why not?

Asstorrhoids.

asstorrhoid by Two Hep Cats October 30, 2010

femagogue 

A female demagogue.

Virtually all arbitrarily autocratic rulers were male until 2010, when a number of female U.S. politicians proved that demagoguery could cross gender lines, and the concept of "femagogue" was born.

femagogue by Two Hep Cats September 15, 2010

Texbook 

Any school textbook that filters reality through a fancifully enthusiastic neo-conservative agenda.

Copping a page from the Iranian Playbook, the Texas Board of Education removed Thomas Jefferson from Texbooks because he believed in the separation of church and state.

Texbook by Two Hep Cats March 17, 2010

Theory of Maximum Foolishness 

The world will arrange itself to make you--personally--feel maximally foolish.

Murphy's Law is a subset of the Theory of Maximum Foolishness. ML says "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." Often, that is true. However, the TOMF says that if something can go RIGHT that would make you look MORE foolish, then that is what will happen.

For example, ML predicts that bread will always fall butter-side down. But, if I TELL YOU it will fall butter-side down, when I go to actually SHOW YOU, the bread will fall butter-side up, making me feel maximally foolish.

The TOMF is true, but neither verifiable nor falsifiable to others because, whatever conditions you establish to test it, only YOU will know if the result made you feel maximally foolish. Of course it will, but only you will know that.

Theory of Maximum Foolishness by Two Hep Cats October 16, 2009

Phart

One of those smelly little "silent-but-deadly" ads that pops up in one corner of the TV screen 30 seconds into the program, after you've already endured 5 minutes of regular ads.

AMC used to be a great channel until they started pharting.

Phart by Two Hep Cats October 10, 2009