Definitions by The Original Tankboy

Swipin' and Gripin'

What too many people do when they online date--complain. And they have no clue that all the other swiper and gripers are saying the same thing about them.

Jennifer--All the guys on this site on such liars and all they want is a hookup. Look at Rick here. That picture is so old. Why do they think I care what car they drive? Hey, what year is that Beemer? Do you think it's leased? Mmmm...looks like he lives on the Bay...
April--Stop your swipin' and gripin'. You been on that UnhingedPlentyofBumLames site for six months. Two boob jobs later and and you're still cashing your ex's checks so now he can't afford his Porsche lease anymore.
Jennifer--Whatever, I'm so over him, he was such a narcissist. Want me to see if Rick has a friend?
April--Sure...

Swipin' and Gripin' by The Original Tankboy January 1, 2020

Bumblinaire 

A seemingly stupid person that is very wealthy because his/her investments always pay off for no apparent reason.

Steve: How did Rich become so wealthy? Was his daddy loaded?

Bill: No, he picks stocks with names that remind him of cartoon characters.

Steve: What? He’s as dumb as a rock

Bill: I know, but they always pay off. He’s a Bumblinaire.

Bumblinaire by The Original Tankboy February 19, 2019

Bacon Hugs 

Bacon hugs are the fondest, most adoring hugs you can give someone. Means you love them more than bacon.

Spencer: How’s it going with the new guy, Logan?
Falisha: Ok, I think. But he sent me the bacon and the smiley hug emojis. Weird?
Spencer: What!? He’s way into you. It doesn’t get any better than Bacon Hugs. 🥓 🤗

Bacon Hugs by The Original Tankboy August 23, 2018

Banana Republicanization 

The transformation of previously diverse, interesting and cool urban areas into packaged and contrived suburban sameness, one cloned pseudo-trendy chic boutique and café at a time.

Listening to Parker and Logan only poured salt in my wounds at how Banana Republicanization has completely ruined San Francisco.
Parker: Let’s Uber to a café on Valencia Street for an organic-pour-over-single-source-fair-market-turmeric-agave coffee.
Logan: Which fauxhemian café? The one at the corner of 11th? 12th? 13th? 14th? 15th? 16th…?
Parker: That new one, Clones. Besides, I need product for my beard and some vinyl from next door at Posers. You know, the place with the tastefully arranged retro dusty junk from dad’s garage.
Logan: Perfect! Isn’t it great, living in the City? I’m so glad we don’t live in a superficial, contrived place like LA.

Parker: I know, let’s wear our matching custard brown jeans, $300 sneakerboots, and black start-up t-shirts.

Posesterfauxhemianclonepseudohemian clueless

Banana Republicanization by The Original Tankboy October 13, 2017

Freudian Spell Check 

When spell check changes your word to the wrong word, but the wrong word is actually more appropriate.

I meant to text my friend that she should go to the U2 concert with me because it would be a "great" time. Spell check changed it to "grey" time. That Freudian Spell Check is pretty smart.

Freudian Spell Check by The Original Tankboy August 2, 2017

Pseudohemian 

Someone with an upper middle class background and a well-paying job that adopts all the affectations of the bohemian urban living as a superficial cover for his/her truly entitled self.

Parker: Wanna go to the Arts District tonight? I got an invite for the opening of the gastropub run by the chef from the organic single source Bolivian schnitzel craft truck.

Logan: What? I'm so over that whole pseudohemian scene. Can we just get real tacos from a real Mexican restaurant with real margaritas? You know, like real people used to do?
Parker: Ya, I guess you're right. I'm kinda done pretending how much I like Moscow Mules so much better in a copper mug anyway.

wannabe posester poser fake vacuous product-laden frontier beard disc earring pour over avocado toast

Pseudohemian by The Original Tankboy June 23, 2017

posester 

Pronounced POSE-ster. What hipsters really are. Though they put on the airs of being members of the illuminati (see the definition of hipster in Urban Dictionary), they are really just clones, wearing a uniform that is no different that any other, expresses no individuality, and is screaming hypocrisy. They have taken over previously cool neighborhoods like the Mission District in San Francisco. Though their clothing appears from a thrift shop, it is really from a 'vintage' clothing store, at best, or an over-priced chic shop trafficking in poser wear. Though they want to appear free thinking, they gravitate toward sameness. Their obsession with the latest e-gadgetry exemplifies their vacuous nature. Though they claim to be into a simple existence, they have driven up the cost of housing in previously cool urban areas. Though they work in Silicon Valley or similar areas, they 'reverse commute' in plush e-busses FROM the City. They are the same as preppy yuppies from the early 80's, just a different uniform, so their hypocritical nature makes them 'posesters.'

I really miss living in the City. So much to do, nooks and crannies, just a great mix of all kinds of folks.

Ya, me, too. But I had to leave, it has really changed. The posesters have taken over. Even the Mission. It's like Cow Hollow now, just in drab.

No . . . !!!!

posester by The Original Tankboy February 14, 2014