n. A particular breed of ned or chav who, instead of being plain aggressive and threatening, is full of bravado and chooses instead to shout witticisms at passers-by. Favourites include:
"show's yer fanny!" ("could I please see your vagina?")
"gie's a gobble!" ("would you please perform oral sex on me?")
"we arra peepell!" (chanted throughout Glasgow housing estates whenever Rangers win the league - "we are the people?" God knows what it means)
Cheeky neds are more very curious, constantly asking you what you are doing or looking at and wondering if you'd care to duel.
"show's yer fanny!" ("could I please see your vagina?")
"gie's a gobble!" ("would you please perform oral sex on me?")
"we arra peepell!" (chanted throughout Glasgow housing estates whenever Rangers win the league - "we are the people?" God knows what it means)
Cheeky neds are more very curious, constantly asking you what you are doing or looking at and wondering if you'd care to duel.
Cheeky ned (at bus stop at 2 in the morning with bottle of Buckfast) : Whit you lookin' at?
Passer-by: Eh, nothing really. Straight ahead mostly.
Cheeky ned: Whit? Whit you daein'?
Passer-by: What am I doing? Going home. Why?
Cheeky ned: Whit? Who you talkin' tae?
Passer-by: I was under the impression I was talking to you.
Cheeky ned: Aw, whit man! You're gettin pure do'ed!
Passer-by: I hope your cigarette ash lands on your tracksuit.
Passer-by: Eh, nothing really. Straight ahead mostly.
Cheeky ned: Whit? Whit you daein'?
Passer-by: What am I doing? Going home. Why?
Cheeky ned: Whit? Who you talkin' tae?
Passer-by: I was under the impression I was talking to you.
Cheeky ned: Aw, whit man! You're gettin pure do'ed!
Passer-by: I hope your cigarette ash lands on your tracksuit.
by Terry Deary June 02, 2005
Get the cheeky ned mug.RECIPE FOR GAELIC COFFEE:
Pour 35mls of a good Scotch blend (Chivas Regal, Antiquary, Black Label etc.) into a pre-warmed latté glass. Add a teaspoon of demerara sugar (or a dash of sirop de gomme), and stir.
In the meantime, drop a small amount of double cream in a cocktail shaker with loads of ice, and shake vigourously until the shaker is almost too cold to bear holding.
Add hot coffee to the whisky and sugar, about four-fifths to the top of the glass. Stir.
Very slowly drizzle the ice-cold cream over the back of a spoon onto the coffee. If done correctly, the cream should 'layer' over the coffee, so it looks like Guinness.
Now decorate the top with cocoa powder, chocolate sprinkles, coffee beans etc., and serve. Sláinte mhath!
Pour 35mls of a good Scotch blend (Chivas Regal, Antiquary, Black Label etc.) into a pre-warmed latté glass. Add a teaspoon of demerara sugar (or a dash of sirop de gomme), and stir.
In the meantime, drop a small amount of double cream in a cocktail shaker with loads of ice, and shake vigourously until the shaker is almost too cold to bear holding.
Add hot coffee to the whisky and sugar, about four-fifths to the top of the glass. Stir.
Very slowly drizzle the ice-cold cream over the back of a spoon onto the coffee. If done correctly, the cream should 'layer' over the coffee, so it looks like Guinness.
Now decorate the top with cocoa powder, chocolate sprinkles, coffee beans etc., and serve. Sláinte mhath!
by Terry Deary July 13, 2006
Get the Gaelic coffee mug.n./adj. (Scot. pron. "baw goggles") A deviant sexual practice wherein one covers his partner's eyes with his clockweights. Most probably popularised due to the humiliation factor for the blinded partner.
I couldn't believe my luck when my girlfriend's sister asked me to give her a pair of ball goggles for her birthday!
by Terry Deary August 29, 2006
Get the ball goggles mug.v. inf. A common phrase used to describe the occasion of a man suddenly producing his penis, often when completely unexpected and for no reason whatsoever.
Jim: See the game last night?
Dave: Yeah, United were unlucky to lose.
Jim: Think they'll sack the manager now?
Dave: They might have to. What do you think Gary?
*Gary whips it out*
Dave: Yeah, United were unlucky to lose.
Jim: Think they'll sack the manager now?
Dave: They might have to. What do you think Gary?
*Gary whips it out*
by Terry Deary June 02, 2005
Get the whip it out mug.n. (sometimes "elephant impersonation") To open your pockets out, unzip your fly, and whip it out, thus your pockets bearing vague resemblance to elephant ears, and your walloper to the beast's trunk.
The more ardent of impersonators will paint his beef dagger grey, then gel his pubes outwards and paint them white, to give the impression of tusks.
The more ardent of impersonators will paint his beef dagger grey, then gel his pubes outwards and paint them white, to give the impression of tusks.
The kids weren't amused by his balloon shapes or his juggling, and Coco the clown was running out of ideas. He had to make sure these kids had fun or he wouldn't get paid for the gig. All of a sudden, he had a stroke of genius!
"Say, kids..." whispered Coco, "do you like wild animals?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" yelled the brats excitedly.
"Well, what luck!" the clown laughed, "'cos I just happen to have my pet elephant with me today!"
"Hooray!" shouted the kids.
Coco was fined £5000, put on the Sex Offenders' Register and sentenced to 3 years without parole for indecent exposure to minors.
Elephant impressions are not suitable for children under 10 years old.
"Say, kids..." whispered Coco, "do you like wild animals?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" yelled the brats excitedly.
"Well, what luck!" the clown laughed, "'cos I just happen to have my pet elephant with me today!"
"Hooray!" shouted the kids.
Coco was fined £5000, put on the Sex Offenders' Register and sentenced to 3 years without parole for indecent exposure to minors.
Elephant impressions are not suitable for children under 10 years old.
by Terry Deary August 29, 2006
Get the elephant impression mug.n. Of a human, the orifice which excretes waste, most probably due to the semi-resemblance to the closed eye of an Oriental person. The brown eye, the ringpiece, the rusty sherrif's badge.
Dr. Proctor: Now Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?
Mrs. Jones: I'm having trouble passing solids, doc.
Dr. Proctor: I see. Now, Mrs. Jones, if you could remove your undergarments and bend over, please.
Mrs. Jones: Is everything okay, doctor?
Dr. Proctor: Mrs. Jones, I must prescribe a daily course of backdoor surprises immediately, your winking chink's eye is as tight as a corset string.
Mrs. Jones: I'm having trouble passing solids, doc.
Dr. Proctor: I see. Now, Mrs. Jones, if you could remove your undergarments and bend over, please.
Mrs. Jones: Is everything okay, doctor?
Dr. Proctor: Mrs. Jones, I must prescribe a daily course of backdoor surprises immediately, your winking chink's eye is as tight as a corset string.
by Terry Deary July 27, 2008
Get the Winking Chink's Eye mug.v./n. inf(!) to unexpectedly penetrate someone's anus; often, of a heterosexual couple engaged in doggy style intercourse, when the male withdraws from the vagina, and hilariously re-inserts into the anus without prior warning.
NOT to be confused with the equally amusing Cadbury Surprise.
NOT to be confused with the equally amusing Cadbury Surprise.
Betty: ... but then, as I... as I was about to... come, for some reason he pulled out... and then... *breaks down sobbing* he.. he put it... oh god! *sobs uncontrolably*
Psychiatrist 1: He gave you a BACKDOOR SURPRISE!? What a guy!!!
*hi-fives Psychiatrist 2*
Psychiatrist 2: Man, that is awesome!
Psychiatrist 1: He gave you a BACKDOOR SURPRISE!? What a guy!!!
*hi-fives Psychiatrist 2*
Psychiatrist 2: Man, that is awesome!
by Terry Deary July 21, 2008
Get the backdoor surprise mug.