Definitions by QuacksO
clawstrophobic
Garfield seems to get wildly clawstrophobic for no reason at all, yet he also gets mad if he dioesn't receive **enough** attention from Jon... as usual, dat "hapless human" can't win when trying to satisfy/appease "da Presidential namesake of da feline world".
clawstrophobic by QuacksO November 23, 2018
just clawse
What a cat needs to have before it may legally scratch you. (Garfield take note --- none of your "provocations" for leaving Jon a tattered bloody mess would have held up in court... in every single case, you were just being selfish, overbearing, or hot-tempered.)
I was cradling the neighbor's cat in my lap and petting him gently, and he seemed totally happy and content... unmoving, purring, the whole nine yards. Then without warning, he suddenly exploded upwards with an angry yowl and forcibly propelled himself off my lap and onto the floor, giving my thighs several deep nasty digs in the process! Talk about a total lack of just clawse... if he was starting to get stir-crazy, he could have merely squirmed and mewed a little, and I'd have immediately let him down --- no need to to "break out da ol' samurai swords"!!
just clawse by QuacksO November 23, 2018
cop a feel
Refers to a horny police officer's using a "frisk" ('cuz he's feeling "frisky") as a selfish/shameless opportunity to "sample the merchandise" on an attractive fellow human.
If you're an extra-cute lady and you're not doing anything wrong while you're out driving, don't worry too much if you get puled over --- most likely the officer just wants to cop a feel. Same deal with a "frisk" or a "pat-down", as well... the lust-crazed "dirty old man with a badge" is feeling "frisky", and so he wants to "pat" you "down there".
cop a feel by QuacksO November 23, 2018
freewheeler
A dude or chick who loves quadding but does not have a machine of his own; he therefore straps on a day-pack with basic supplies and heads out along da riding-trail, keeping his senses peeled for da much-loved "chorus of sweet music" droning/putt-putt din in the distance or the far-off headlights-glow of approaching ATVs and side-by-sides, and then asks to ride along with them.
I always make sure to leave at least a couple of empty seats in our trail-riding group (i.e., I stow our supply-duffels in the carriers and lash them on the roofs of our 4X4s instead of just setting them on the seats beside us), just in case we happen upon any freewheelers along our travels. ATV-ing is indeed an expensive hobby, and so I fully realize that not everyone who loves doing it can afford to own or rent equipment of their own, and so I like to share our fun with these other folks. And besides, "the more, the merrier".
freewheeler by QuacksO November 22, 2018
eyelids-lift reply
Refers to a comparably-humorous but non-verbal version of three consonants and a dozen vowels, and involves using your forefingers or thumbs to manually "peel up" your eyelids and then groggily waggling your head to indicate to the person who requested your assistance that you're so weary that you can't even keep your eyelids open.
Sometimes when I ask my ordinarily-very-supportive sister about helping me with some task that admittedly I **could** perform all by myself but which would be a lot easier and/or more pleasant to accomplish with an assistant, she gives me the "eyelids-lift reply" to indicate that she feels really exhausted on that particular occasion. and so I respectfully "let it go" for the time-being, and then either wheezingly struggle though said arduous/disagreeable undertaking on my own, or wait till maybe the next day to ask my sister again if she could help me complete it.
eyelids-lift reply by QuacksO November 22, 2018
fascial fur
Refers to da thick "carpet" of curly-frizzy sawdust-shavings that accumulates on your forehead, cheeks, and chin --- especially during "hot 'n' sticky" weather, or if you have a moderate stubble for drifting particles to stick to --- after cutting fascia-boards in the woodshop.
Tiffany always appreciates when I come over to do carpentry-work for her; she just wishes I would remember to wipe off the fascial fur from my face before trying to give her a kiss. She has since solved this "lack of realization in the heat of the moment" dilemma by simply always bringing along a nice cool dampened washcloth whenever she joins me at the table-saw, so that she can both clean off my powdery jowls AND soothe my heated brow at the same time.
fascial fur by QuacksO November 22, 2018
bedside vaporlock
Refers to the embarrassing --- not mention messy --- end-result of groggily rolling over on your side at da edge of da bed to use your screw-top pee-jar without having to actually stand up, but then --- in an effort to ensure that you won't splash or spill any urine as you're taking your whiz, you unknowingly press da rim of da jar too firmly against yer abdomen and thus form a tight seal between da rim and yer gut, causing gradual pressure-buildup inside da jar as it fills with your pee, and eventually forces droplets of urine-mist to explosively splutter out from around the rim.
One simple way to reduce the chance of bedside vaporlock is to refrain from shaving yourself "down there", since smooth rubbery freshly-denuded skin always permits a much easier/better "vacuum seal" than if there are thick wiry bristly hairs in the way. Unlike your scalp-tresses or beard, pubic hair usually only gets so long and then simply falls out (think, those short coarse springy hair-curls that you always find in your briefs and in da shower-stall), so unless you have a jock-itch/odor problem or your romantic partner strongly prefers da Baldy from Baldymoore look, there should seldom if ever be a need to "mow da downstairs lawn".
bedside vaporlock by QuacksO November 22, 2018