QuacksO's definitions
"You can stroll a store's aisles till Doomsday and never spot da item you want, but then, just as soon as you interrupt a staffperson to ask for help in locating said desirable, THAT'S when you will notice your sought-after item right off!"
While stocking up on food at a Super Walmart, I was looking for larger packages of Armour Vienna sausage so that I could save a few cents per can, but although I had thoroughly searched the surrounding areas on the shelves, I still hadn't found anything bigger than the small six-packs, so I finally asked a nearby employee if there were any of the larger packages in stock, possibly in the back room. Well, just as we were both walking back to the area of the aisle where I'd been looking, THAT'S when I finally spied the 12-packs that were sitting on the very top shelf! Guess that was a classic case of Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistance... ah, well, again, the 12-packs were indeed sitting very high up, so at least that was a plausible excuse for my not having seen them before, especially since the store usually doesn't even expect its customers to notice stuff that's placed 'way up there, anyway; that "lofty" location is merely where they store extra merchandise for replenishing the lower-down shelves when the stock there starts to run low.
by QuacksO May 14, 2019
Get the Murphy's Law of Customer-Assistancemug. Where you are majorly irritated/upset about the naively-stupid action of someone whom you love to death, and so instead of hollering at him, you merely grab him in an aggressively-strong bear-hug and plant a hard smacking kiss on his mouth, then ears-smokingly shove him out of your way and storm off to correct whatever fiasco that he created by his well-meaning-but-horrendously-inappropriate actions caused, such as misusing soap/detergent, oil, water, etc. so that it ruined/soiled something that wasn't supposed to have contact with said fluid. Classic example: where Estelle Getty uses assorted household chemicals and warm water to launder Sylvester Stallone's service-pistol --- and in so doing washes all the bluing off --- in the comedy-farce, "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!"
I sometimes get really exasperated with my wife when she tries to repair or clean/tidy up my stuff, not realizing that some of the items cannot be processed or handled in an "everyday" manner. I know that she always means well, though, of course, so after she plaintively informs me that she was "just trying to help", I always use aggravated affection to deflect/diffuse my fury... I just near-crushingly squeeze her in a major massive "noisy" lip-lock (i.e., "Oh --- MMMMMMMMWUH!!!") before fumingly stomping off to try to undo whatever disaster she caused... hey, it ain't HER fault if she doesn't realize that you don't use Windex to clean a desk-phone!
by QuacksO October 31, 2018
Get the aggravated affectionmug. What Captain Hazelwood sent over his wireless transmitter when he drunkenly ran his oil tanker aground in Prince William Sound.
Even after da initial Esso-S call from da Valdez, X-on was still plagued with distressed "call for help" protests from mail-room employees who were receiving countless clothing-besmirching gas-station cards dat had been soaked in used motor-oil.
by QuacksO May 25, 2022
Get the Esso-Smug. I have an inexplicable F.O.B.ia, and so I just give my best buddy a list of items I want, and let him fill out and mail the catalog's order-forms for me.
by QuacksO January 25, 2019
Get the F.O.B.iamug. A cultural region in the Eastern United States that's famous for its award-winning crunchy-sweet McIntosh, Cortland, Granny Smith, and Red/Yellow Delicious varieties.
Hiking da Appleachian Trail can indeed be an enjoyable experience, but you need to be very careful how you treat da residents as you pass through their locales, since many of those hard-working and somewhat-temperish rednecks deeply resent holier-than-thou "city-slicker" folks, and so they will be all too ready to lob multitudes of squishy rotten fruits at you if you piss them off.
by QuacksO June 26, 2019
Get the Appleachiamug. A sarcastic term for a member of a primitive-but-savvy "deep jungle" tribe of natives who save money by giving each other haircuts instead of paying a professional to do it, causing all of the "clip-joints" in the area to file for bankruptcy.
I've taken the whole "barberian" concept to a while new level --- I don't have much "brain fur" to begin with, and it's always kinda thin and stringy anyway, so each year I just use electric clippers to "buzz my head bald" when the weather-temperatures moderate in the late spring, and then over the following months my hair and beard eventually grow back sufficiently to keep me warm enough in the wintertime.
by QuacksO November 1, 2018
Get the barberianmug. Refers to da immensely soul-calming "whew" dat you feel when --- having trepidatiously ("Well --- here goes nuttin'!") worked da valve-handle on da porcelain throne after taking a humongous dump --- da swirly actually "goes down" and therefore uncomplainingly "accepts" your far-larger-than-usual "contribution".
It is impossible to even begin to describe da overwhelmingly satisfied and grateful feeling dat you savor when experiencing a "great flush of relief"; it's somewhat similar to da "all's well in da world" emotion dat washes over you each time when da card-scanner at a store's checkout-counter displays dat wonderful and much-wished-for word "approved" after you've swiped your debit/Food-Stamps card, since it means dat you can actually get da heck outta there with your cartload of purchases, instead of having to suffer undeserved delays and/or humiliation by having your perfectly-good card invalidly declined due to either a computer glitch or a speck of dust/oil on your card's magnetic stripe!
by QuacksO December 30, 2018
Get the great flush of reliefmug.