QuacksO's definitions

cost-cutting maneuver

A fumingly-sarcastic reference to a shamelessly "sneaky 'n' unethical" (and unfortunately very common!) "buy-pressure" strategy practiced at many hardware/specialty-supplies stores; the ploy consists of a staffperson's hacking off a length from a roll of bulk-product like rope, wire, hose, or cloth, and only **afterwards** informing the customer how much the product is priced per foot, hoping that said customer will then feel obligated to buy the piece "since it's already been cut off the roll".

I once had a totally pathetic "cost-cutting maneuver" tried on me at a bicycle-repair shop --- I needed a rear shift-cable, and so the clerk cut off my required length of cable from the store's bulk roll, without first telling me the super-steep per-foot price or asking me beforehand if I wanted to pay that much. It was only when he actually brought the "ringing up the sale" screen up on the computer that he revealed the astronomical amount that it was gonna cost me --- a whopping SEVEN DOLLARS AND CHANGE! --- for just three or four feet of the cable! Fortunately, I had the "bravery" to just look mildly shocked and hastily remark, "Eeeyewww... that's a lot more than I can afford --- thank you anyway, though. I'll just get one at WalMart instead." Hey, it wasn't MY fault if the salesman had created a harder-to-resell cut piece of cable --- I hadn't asked him to chop me off some of the cable yet, I'd just told him that I needed a replacement shifter-cable, so it wasn't my "responsibility" to now PAY for said cable! He should have told me beforehand how much it would cost per foot, and then asked me if I wanted to buy it before he'd actually hacked the length off the roll!

by QuacksO November 1, 2018

barberian

A sarcastic term for a member of a primitive-but-savvy "deep jungle" tribe of natives who save money by giving each other haircuts instead of paying a professional to do it, causing all of the "clip-joints" in the area to file for bankruptcy.

I've taken the whole "barberian" concept to a while new level --- I don't have much "brain fur" to begin with, and it's always kinda thin and stringy anyway, so each year I just use electric clippers to "buzz my head bald" when the weather-temperatures moderate in the late spring, and then over the following months my hair and beard eventually grow back sufficiently to keep me warm enough in the wintertime.

by QuacksO November 1, 2018

aFordable

Describes the cost of the base-model Tin Lizzie, if you didn't factor in the infamous "nickle 'em to death" subsequent maintenance-bills due to the shoddy quality/durability of the flivver's parts!

Disgruntled teenager: My parents offered me my choice of a birthday gift, as long as it was "aFordable", and so I'd naively interpreted that to mean that they were gonna buy me a car --- what a disappointment it was when I learned that they had merely meant that they were setting a limit of twenty-five dollars on the gift's cost!

by QuacksO November 1, 2018

Junior or Senior?

A question that parents should realize that they will have to resign themselves to frequently asking in the future if they decide to name their newborn son after his father.

Naming "Little Man" after Dad may indeed be a charming and awesome "father-son bonding" parental choice, but one should carefully consider the overall and "long-term" advisability of said decision, since it eventually will subject all members of the family to the burden of always having to ask, "Junior or Senior?" when they answer the telephone and the caller requests to speak to "John Smith".

by QuacksO November 2, 2018

Playskool

1. One of the most popular brand of "toddler toys".

2. What bored and "3-R's"-weary students secretly wish that their learning-establishment was.

Having your local kindergarten be just a "playskool" might indeed be an enjoyable and "easy-street" situation, but the word itself starkly demonstrates why this would not be a wise or healthy state of being --- proper spelling is important to sane and productive adult life, so the brand-name implies that if you just "play" all the time, you will likely not know how to properly spell "school" or a lot of other words.

by QuacksO November 2, 2018

hypothetical generosity

The age-old "easy for you to say" confirmation that you would indeed be kind/liberal with extra resources **if you had them**.

A "classic" tongue-in-cheek reference to hypothetical generosity is related in the humorous short story "Downeast Socialism", by Maine humorist Marshall Dodge: Ethan Robay was tellin' Enoch Turner 'bout the lectshuh he'd heard Norman Thomas give about Socialism. "It's all 'bout SHARIN', Enoch --- with socialism, a fella SHAYUHS ever'thin' with his neighbuh."
"Does dat mean, Ethan, dat if you had two fahms, you'd give me one of dem?" Enoch asked.
"Ayuh --- if I had two fahms, Enoch, I'd give you one of them," Ethan replied.
"And does dat also mean, if you had two hay-rakes, you'd give me one of dem, too?" Enoch puhsisted.
"Yuh --- if I had two hay-rakes, I'd give you one of them," Ethan confirmed.
Enoch cocked his nose a might and flashed Ethan a crafty smirk. "And if you had two **hogs**, Ethan --- would you give me one of DEM??"
"DANG you, Enoch --- you KNOW that I **got** two HOGS!"

by QuacksO November 2, 2018

Are we having fun yet?

A tongue-in-cheek query that someone asks his buddy when they are engaged in a horridly-boring and/or disagreeable task. Intended to lighten the mood and sympathize with your co-worker about the less-than-pleasant job/situation.

Dude, helping his buddy to sweep up piles of scattered wood-shavings in a warehouse they're tidying up: "Are we having fun yet?"

by QuacksO November 2, 2018