Vintage tobacco-product ads and other related crap that a select few touched-in-the-head antique-freaks actually view as collectables.
Now that not so many people buy their cigarettes anymore, tobacco companies are gonna hafta resort to making reprints of their old now-illegal ads to sell to emphemera collectors.
by QuacksO April 28, 2018
Da key at da middle-left of your keyboard dat causes your computer tower to dispense a can of sugar-free soft drink when you hit said key.
Since Tab cola is no longer available in most stores, your computer's Tab key is often da only way besides mail-order to get some of said precious commodity.
by QuacksO December 20, 2020
That infuriating and mysterious battle between two common household objects --- both made of white porcelain --- which causes untold headaches, especially if there's only one person in the house at the time. You know the drill --- the telephone can be "silent" for hours, yet as soon as you plop down on the toilet and are in the middle of a lengthy crap, THAT'S precisely when the 0%!$&#@ phone decides to ring, and so you have to awkwardly jam a tissue-wad up your butt and hold it there while you penguin-strut with your trousers down around your ankles all the way across the living room to grab the receiver with your messy hand, only to either (1) have the caller hang up just as you are lifting the receiver, or (2) have it be just either a telemarketer or a bill-collector who'd dialed the wrong number, anyway, or (3) have the caller be a bored/crybaby/mooching neighbor who had nothing important to say/ask, but just called to shoot the breeze, whine about his miserable life (which he could easily improve if he'd just start being more responsible/diligent), or ask for a ride, assistance with some ordinary task that he really could accomplish himself, or the loan of money/a vehicle/tools. So you'll have totally wasted your time/effort --- not to mention half a bottle of Lysol to disinfect the phone afterwards --- to answer the phone that time, when the call turned out to be non-urgent and so you could have just let the answering machine take it.
Judge: Next case --- throne vs. phone. Phone, you are hereby accused of intentionally waiting to ring until your owner goes to take a dump. How do you plead?
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
by QuacksO November 02, 2016
Considering that many sportsmen are armed to the teeth and often take ample quantities of alcohol on their game-seeking sojourns, I cannot really blame someone for being a cowarden when it comes to enforcing a state's hunting laws.
by QuacksO November 15, 2019
I wonder if Willy Wonka had to file a taffydavit regarding da ingredients for his "scrumdiddlyumptious" candies and da methods employed in creating said confectionery delights?
by QuacksO April 22, 2021
A "snake oil" product intended to enhance da health, longevity, and "slippery" status of da infamous two-pronged speaking-appendage of a habitually-less-than-truthful person.
Since tongue oil is intended for a forked food-manipulator like a snake has, perhaps this same extract-of-cobra elixir (or maybe it could be spelled "elicksir" in this case, since dat's one of da main purposes of da bodily organ on which said restorative lubricant is used) could also be applied to someone's "trouser snake" by his romantic partner, to preserve said organ's smooth/supple/spongy qualities and thus maintain a pleasant "mouth feel" for said main squeeze when administering a blowjob. One would hope dat said topical ointment possesses a pleasant-or-at-least-neutral flavor, since performing fellatio on a body-part to which you just applied a rejuvenating substance would literally be giving you a taste of your own medicine!
by QuacksO September 04, 2022
Jack Ryan admitted to Admiral Painter and Captain Davenport about his being sleep-deprived, so maybe when da latter officer seemingly opined dat Jack was off his rocker, he was actually just meaning "sertafiable", as in, he may merely have been saying dat Jack was a little mentally-lacking due to a lack of mattress-time.
by QuacksO June 09, 2024