5 definitions by Paul Wooten

An offshoot of '80s hair metal which was known for containing cheesy, dirty lyrics. Usually the lyrics were about things like how big your dick is or cumming all over the place. Not really worth listening to if you actually like good music. It sold because girls bought into it, but then it faded because of the rise of grunge.
The only hair band worth listening to is Dokken, because at least they're not a bunch of cock rockers who only talk about the size of their schlongs and how many girls they've fucked.

A prime example of cock rock is Poison. Just look at them. Their pants are uber-tight, because they like to show off the size of their packages.
by Paul Wooten August 9, 2006
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A form of music, and probably the most well known. Rock started in the '50s as "rock n' roll", and was made popular by musicians such as Elvis Presley and Little Richard. It was mainly inspired by the blues and jazz, so it would be upbeat and appeal to young people. Rock has been instrumental in the history of America, and without it, we wouldn't have our society as we know it. Rock has evolved largely over the years. In the '60s, it was the common music of hippies, THE counter-culture of that decade, and was made even more popular by the arrival of British bands such as the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. In the '70s, it went even further as the music of rebellion, and split off into various subgenres, such as psychedelic rock, progressive rock, punk rock, and early heavy metal. The '80s introduced MTV, music television, as well as furthering heavy metal, which spawned its own offspring, such as NWOBHM, thrash metal, and glam metal, also known as hair metal. In the '90s, alternative rock and grunge took over the radio, MTV, and the charts. Sadly, in the new decade, the 2000s, rock is being thrown off by rap, pop, and R&B, none of which are nearly as good. Unfortunately, today's youth would rather listen to shitty, repetitive, synth-laden pop and rap than real music. Rock isn't doing too well by itself, either. Most rock bands nowadays suck, as they also write overproduced shit. The question I have is, "What in the fuck happened to good old-fashioned rock n' roll?"
Stupid 12-year-old wannabe gangster: YO ROCK IZ DEAD, GET WIT DA TIMEZ YO!!!!!!!!11111!!!!1111 YALL NEEDZ 2 LISSENZ 2 SUM RAP!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Me: Learn how to speak English you dumb shit. And no, just because rock is slumping in CD sales this year doesn't mean that it's "dead". Rock will always be better than rap because:

1. They sing, rather than just talk about a bunch of bullshit that no one with an IQ of 100 or over wants to listen to.

2. They play instruments.

3. They have always been, and always will be, the all-time best-sellers of the music business.

Wannabe gangster: STFU DOOD, ITZ GAY AND U KNO IT!!!!!111

Me: Oh really? Well, you should know that not all music is about being a "gangsta". It's not dependent on synthesizers and not all of it has to be stuff you can dance to in some shitty nightclub. You getting me here?


Me: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm so scared. (grabs the little shit by the head and drop-kicks him)
by Paul Wooten October 7, 2006
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One of, if not the most kickass metal band in the world. A band from Arlington, Texas that released some of the most legendary albums like Cowboys From Hell. Famous for vocalist Phil Anselmo's rip-roaring vocals and guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott's expertise with that axe. Tensions and creative differences split the band up, and Dime and Phil each started their own projects. Phil started many bands such as Down and Superjoint Ritual, while Dime and his brother Vinnie (Pantera's drummer) started their own band, called Damageplan. On December 8, 2004, (coincidentially the same day John Lennon was killed 24 years earlier) Dime was shot and killed by a fan who was obviously in huge need of mental help, as Damageplan was performing in Colombus, Ohio. RIP.
If you say you don't like Pantera purely out of distaste for metal, fine, but if you're going to bitch about how it's "too loud", then you need to have a pair of balls surgically attached to your groin.

If I ever find the grave of that fucktard who killed Dimebag, I'm going to dig up his remains and take a good, long piss on them.

You want proof that Pantera kicks ass? Ask Maddox (thebestpageintheuniverse.com).
by Paul Wooten August 18, 2006
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One of the greatest and most well-known cult classics of all time. Sequel to the first two Evil Dead movies. Directed by Sam Raimi (Spider-Man, Darkman, The Gift) and starring Bruce Campbell as one of the most badass heroes in cinema history, Ash. Ash is famous for the chainsaw on his right arm, his "boomstick" (a double-barreled, sawed-off Remington shotgun), and his lexicon of catch phrases. The movie is about Ash being sucked into a time portal and landing in the Middle Ages, where he spends his time kicking zombie ass and trying to retrieve the Necronomicon, the Sumerian book of the dead, so he can get home.
Lines from the movie:

"Hail to the King, baby."
"Gimme some sugar."
"Name's Ash. (cocks gun) Housewares."
"Come get some."

Did I mention that Army Of Darkness kicks ass?
by Paul Wooten August 5, 2006
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A show based off a highly successful comedic magazine of the same name, except barely any of the elements that made the magazine funny are present. SNL may be running thin by now, but Mad TV makes it look like fucking Shakespeare. A painfully unfunny show with shitty sketches.
What the fuck happened to In Living Color? That was like, the only funny sketch show that Fox ever aired! Fox needs to cancel Mad TV A.S.A.P.

How crap like Mad TV airs for 11 years on Fox but good shows like Firefly get canceled after one season is beyond me.
by Paul Wooten August 9, 2006
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