It's not soup, shut the fuck up
by POTUS Official December 27, 2021
Item #: SCP-999
Object Class: Safe
SCP-999 is allowed to freely roam the facility should it desire to, but otherwise must stay in its pen either between 8PM-9PM for sleeping, or during emergency lockdowns for its own safety. It's is not allowed out of its pen at night or off facility grounds at any time. Pen is to be kept clean and food replaced twice daily. All personnel are allowed inside SCP-999’s holding area, but only if they are not assigned to other tasks at the time, or if they are on break. Subject is to be played with when bored and spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone.
SCP-999 appears to be a large, amorphous, gelatinous mass of translucent orange slime, weighing about 54 kg (120 lbs) with a consistency similar to that of peanut butter. Subject’s size and shape is easily malleable and can change shape at will, though when at rest, SCP-999 becomes a rounded, oblate dome roughly 2 meters wide and 1 meter in height. The surface of SCP-999 consists of a thin, transparent membrane similar to that of an animal cell roughly .5 cm thick, and is highly elastic, allowing SCP-999 to flatten portions of its body up to 2 cm thin. This surface is also hydrophobic, although SCP-999 can willfully absorb liquids (see Addendum SCP-999-A). The rest of SCP-999's body is filled with a viscous orange substance of unknown chemical makeup, though it is capable of digesting organic materials with ease.
Object Class: Safe
SCP-999 is allowed to freely roam the facility should it desire to, but otherwise must stay in its pen either between 8PM-9PM for sleeping, or during emergency lockdowns for its own safety. It's is not allowed out of its pen at night or off facility grounds at any time. Pen is to be kept clean and food replaced twice daily. All personnel are allowed inside SCP-999’s holding area, but only if they are not assigned to other tasks at the time, or if they are on break. Subject is to be played with when bored and spoken to in a calm, non-threatening tone.
SCP-999 appears to be a large, amorphous, gelatinous mass of translucent orange slime, weighing about 54 kg (120 lbs) with a consistency similar to that of peanut butter. Subject’s size and shape is easily malleable and can change shape at will, though when at rest, SCP-999 becomes a rounded, oblate dome roughly 2 meters wide and 1 meter in height. The surface of SCP-999 consists of a thin, transparent membrane similar to that of an animal cell roughly .5 cm thick, and is highly elastic, allowing SCP-999 to flatten portions of its body up to 2 cm thin. This surface is also hydrophobic, although SCP-999 can willfully absorb liquids (see Addendum SCP-999-A). The rest of SCP-999's body is filled with a viscous orange substance of unknown chemical makeup, though it is capable of digesting organic materials with ease.
by POTUS Official December 15, 2021
A rare natural phenomenon where there will start raining babies. This is due to the water/baby ratio in the baby being very high, due to the fact that the 'baby' part is so small. The babies will evaporate, and then, when cold enough, condense. When this happens, it's important to stay inside, or at least wear a special umbrella made of steel.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT"
"OH MY FUCKING GOD"
"Wait, is that Meghan's kid?"
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT"
"Y'all, chill, it's only a baby shower"
"OH MY FUCKING GOD"
"Wait, is that Meghan's kid?"
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT"
"Y'all, chill, it's only a baby shower"
by POTUS Official January 28, 2022
"Why are you so fatherless and maidenless and parentless and no dad?"
"My name is Melwin Axelsson"
"God I'm so sorry"
"My name is Melwin Axelsson"
"God I'm so sorry"
by POTUS Official September 07, 2022
by POTUS Official September 07, 2022
In nature, some animals, like wolves, have an "alpha male" in their pack. The alpha male is the one who leads the pack, makes sure it's fed, etc. The thing is though, this only happens when the pack's environment changes dramatically, like if they're put in a zoo. There is a group of (human) people who don't get this though and call themselves "alpha males", i.e "manly". They usually think they're much better than everyone else. The "hierarchy" goes like this in their head;
Alpha males (manly n' shit)
Beta males (Losers)
Now, the thing is, some "alpha males" think "wait, I'm better than everyone, why am I sharing the top of the hierarchy with so many who also think they're better than everyone?", and created "Sigma males", basically the same thing, but with no friends (They're "too good" for friends), so in their mind, the hierarchy goes
Sigma males (super manly n' shit)
Alpha males (manly n' shit)
Beta males (Losers)
It's just cringe
Alpha males (manly n' shit)
Beta males (Losers)
Now, the thing is, some "alpha males" think "wait, I'm better than everyone, why am I sharing the top of the hierarchy with so many who also think they're better than everyone?", and created "Sigma males", basically the same thing, but with no friends (They're "too good" for friends), so in their mind, the hierarchy goes
Sigma males (super manly n' shit)
Alpha males (manly n' shit)
Beta males (Losers)
It's just cringe
by POTUS Official December 13, 2021
A type of dinosaur that pissed the scientists off BADLY, causing them to be named what they were named.
???: "Hey scientist, look under there!"
Scientist: "Under where?"
???: "Haha I made you say underwear"
Scientist: "Your name is now Nigersaurus."
Nigersaurus: "what the fu-"
Scientist: "Under where?"
???: "Haha I made you say underwear"
Scientist: "Your name is now Nigersaurus."
Nigersaurus: "what the fu-"
by POTUS Official September 11, 2023