50 definitions by Mr. Cardboard
Suffix meaning "to steal", generally applied to a vehicle or situation. Originates from the word hijack but bastardised for comic effect.
Dude 1: I was gonna go for a crap but someone's running a bath.
Dude 2: You should have jacked it.
Dude 1: Bathjacking?
Dude 2: You should have jacked it.
Dude 1: Bathjacking?
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
An emotion which, irrespective of whatever previous emotion you were feeling, instantaneously makes you feel like you are going to die, fills your entire body with adrenaline and sends your heart rate off the scale.
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
"Are you coming to the pub?"
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
by Mr. Cardboard October 31, 2011
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
A magic incantation that makes a giant, painful shit come out when you say it. If the pain of a dump is so heinous it makes you pull a face like Renee Zellweger, speaking her name is the only way to guarantee it's safe passage.
When spoken properly it sounds like this "RRRRRRRRRReneeezellwegAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH....."
When spoken properly it sounds like this "RRRRRRRRRReneeezellwegAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH....."
by Mr. Cardboard January 16, 2012
Something that men have 24 kinds of whereas women have just 23. Although women have two X chromosomes while men have one X and one Y, one of the women's X chromosomes is "transcriptionally silent" i.e. completely inactive.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
"Have you seen The Sarah Silverman Show? She is one funny ass chick!"
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
The gayest sport in all the world, even gayer than men's synchronised fisting in pink leotards to "Small Town Boy" by Bronski Beat.
An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.
So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.
An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.
So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
"Hey can you give me a lift home?"
"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"
"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011