Monkey's Dad's definitions

Taco Bell wine

Wine sold at Taco Bell.

When life could not feel any more weird, Jalapeño Noir is the name of the new Taco Bell wine, available only in Canada.

by Monkey's Dad September 15, 2020

transcendent beauty

An exceedingly rare quality, possessed by very few women, illuminated from within. Most of the world's celebrated beauties do not have it and cannot acquire it, as shown by their age-driven pursuit of cosmetic surgery, and the tragically self-erasing results. For a woman so blessed, it is simply a gift, immune to the passage of time.

She appeared to be ageless, radiant with transcendent beauty. Wherever they found themselves, she was the most beautiful woman in the room, not by degree but entirely in a class of her own. Strangers, both men and women, stared, sometimes approaching to comment. It was more than her exquisite proportions and facial symmetry. Paired with those things, it came from an inner quality of goodness. The man beside her was sometimes told that he was transcendentally lucky, which he knew to be true.

by Monkey's Dad December 5, 2023

criminally negligent humor

Slipped into conversation like a stiletto between the ribs, an unintended yet nearly lethal joke.

She looked innocent, her blue eyes wide, and he never saw it coming, another taste of her criminally negligent humor. Sliding from the bed and falling to the floor, he begged, "Don't make me laugh! Please!" It was too late.

by Monkey's Dad March 26, 2023

Pussword

When every one of your passwords are the name of your cat.

She carefully typed it in, one letter at a time. F-L-U-F-F-Y, her all-time favorite pussword, which nobody could ever guess.

by Monkey's Dad September 15, 2021

Chimp on your shoulder

Having a Monkey on your back and a Chip on your shoulder, simultaneously.

Everyone knew to avoid the conspiracy-spewing moron at the end of the bar, except the one guy looking for a fight. He came up behind him and said "Is that a chimp on your shoulder, or did you offer Tucker Carlson a piggyback?"

by Monkey's Dad August 8, 2021

turning 21

The age at which a person, and America, are due to attain maturity.

After four crazy years, during which so much happened that she knew she'd later be ashamed of, she was ready. "21" was shiny with promise, and turning 21 in '21, she and the country were eager to put it behind them.

by Monkey's Dad December 24, 2020

social duhstancing

Pandemic precautions so obvious that they should not have to be explained.

Don't stand in the midst of a crowded bar, don't hug and kiss strangers, don't take selfies with friends... because it could kill you. Yes, really. Lots of people already know this. It's called social duhstancing.

by Monkey's Dad June 18, 2020