Long Johns's definitions
When you have no idea of what for, or what it is, where it comes from, how it got there, or even why, however. Keeping the stupid cow decided to go milking it.
A young farm lass had been given a gift, a cow.
Tessa: "Thanks! I think, what is it?!"
Giver: "It's a cow...."
Tessa: "What should I do with it?"
Giver: "I'm not sure, I was hoping you will know?"
Tessa: "Is it a boy or girl, from the look of those....abit unusual?"
Giver: "This is why I don't want it. And think you can make sense of it."
Tessa: "Well, ok....I'll take a look at it...you sure it's called a cow?!"
Giver: "Positive.....when I bought it, someone said, 'finally got rid of the moany old cow'.."
Tessa: "Well, would you know, something seems to be coming out of these dangly things..."
Giver: "Think you might be milking it now..."
Tessa: "Thanks! I think, what is it?!"
Giver: "It's a cow...."
Tessa: "What should I do with it?"
Giver: "I'm not sure, I was hoping you will know?"
Tessa: "Is it a boy or girl, from the look of those....abit unusual?"
Giver: "This is why I don't want it. And think you can make sense of it."
Tessa: "Well, ok....I'll take a look at it...you sure it's called a cow?!"
Giver: "Positive.....when I bought it, someone said, 'finally got rid of the moany old cow'.."
Tessa: "Well, would you know, something seems to be coming out of these dangly things..."
Giver: "Think you might be milking it now..."
by Long Johns October 30, 2014
Get the Milking it mug.When feeling that urge to text someone while also walking or driving or somewhere that takes your concentration away for being 'textracted'.... (of course please do not text and drive)
Walking for the bus, Angy grabbed her phone to text someone.
Text: "on my...........fuck, I just tripped over the pavement. On my way"
Still being 'textracted' Angy quickens her pace and starts to slowly run for the bus that she see from the corner of her eye has arrived at the bus stop.
Text: "Gettin on bus...........shit, coat is caught in the buses door.......on bus now"
Text: "on my...........fuck, I just tripped over the pavement. On my way"
Still being 'textracted' Angy quickens her pace and starts to slowly run for the bus that she see from the corner of her eye has arrived at the bus stop.
Text: "Gettin on bus...........shit, coat is caught in the buses door.......on bus now"
by Long Johns January 1, 2014
Get the Textracted mug.Someone who wishes to have threesomes or foursomes or thensomes.....when there is only two to the pack but wants more.
Guy: 'I fancy a threesome'.
Girl: 'But there is only two in the pack'.
Guy: 'Don't worry we can improvise'.
Girl: 'Stop being such a twix'.
Girl: 'But there is only two in the pack'.
Guy: 'Don't worry we can improvise'.
Girl: 'Stop being such a twix'.
by Long Johns September 7, 2011
Get the Twix mug.by Long Johns July 3, 2011
Get the Fat Cunt mug.A #selfie, a picture that is self taken over and over and can never be pleased with the slight areas of issues to have with features...like blemishes, wonky eye, big nose, stiff upper lip, double chin....bless whoever has all of those and not just the one!!!
Jilly: (snap) mmmm, now which one should I use? (asks her teddy bear)
Teddy: (just stares)
Jill: well you're no help, you're suppose to point out how beautiful I am.
Teddy: (just stares with a slight shrugging look this time)
Jill: so which #selfie pic am I supposed to use then....mmmmm, how about all of them?
Teddy: (just stares this time with sheer panic)
If only teddy bear could shake his head frantically!!!
Teddy: (just stares)
Jill: well you're no help, you're suppose to point out how beautiful I am.
Teddy: (just stares with a slight shrugging look this time)
Jill: so which #selfie pic am I supposed to use then....mmmmm, how about all of them?
Teddy: (just stares this time with sheer panic)
If only teddy bear could shake his head frantically!!!
by Long Johns November 27, 2013
Get the #Selfie mug.to date another masterbater, wanker, solo player, jack off. To find that other one who likes to grab their own balls/fanny and give a good toss.
Do you ever get that wanting feeling to date another masterbater. Defined as MasterDate...it may be solo but you are not alone.
by Long Johns July 7, 2011
Get the MasterDate mug.A bitch slap is a subtle yet harsh way to make sure they get the point across well and truly. Particularly for those annoying bitches whom just do not get the hint, and keep on and on at you until provoked to 'bitch slap' them, like a wake up call.
Bitch: wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me..
Victim: No, you're alright.
Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.
Victim: I said no, thanks.
Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...
Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?
Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.
Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?
Victim: No, you're alright.
Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.
Victim: I said no, thanks.
Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...
Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?
Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.
Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?
by Long Johns November 27, 2013
Get the Bitch slap mug.