Down in the Trumps

When you feel too depressed to perform basic life functions, and the only explanation is that Donald Trump is your president.

"I just watched twelve videos of baby goats in sweaters to cheer myself up."
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. Just down in the Trumps."
"Yeah... can you send me those videos?"

by Little Walnut November 21, 2016

Retail Guilt

What you feel when you watch a documentary about climate change and remember all the crap you just ordered online.

"Wow, this episode of Patriot Act is really disturbing. I had no idea fast fashion was creating so much waste. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."

"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."

by Little Walnut December 3, 2019

Letitimate

The state of being of a woman who conforms to the laws and rules of society with the mistaken assumption she's playing by the same set of rules as men.

Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton both seemed like legitimate choices for presidential candidates, but it turns out they were only letitimate.

by Little Walnut November 21, 2024

Sidesgiving

An alternative to the traditional Thanksgiving dinner centered around a humongous, oven-hogging bird, in which you and your guests make the meal about the sides instead of the turkey. Because if turkey is so great why don't we eat it all year? More mashed potatoes, please!

"What unspeakable hour are you going to get up at on your day off to put that 20 lb. turkey into the oven?"

"Maybe, like, 10 a.m."

"Whaaaaat?! It'll never be ready for dinner at 3!"

"Yeah, that's okay, because we're not having turkey this year. We're doing Sidesgiving. Sucker."

by Little Walnut November 13, 2018

Analgeist

When you suddenly become aware that everyone you know is having anal sex, including you.

"So Mark and I were doing anal last night and––"
"Wait. You're into anal?"
"Yeah! I decided to give it another try!"
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"Me four!"
"Whoa. It's in the analgeist."

by Little Walnut January 9, 2017

Banana Window

The extremely brief window of time––sometimes as short as ten minutes––when a banana is at its perfect level of ripeness.

"You should take a bite of this here banana."

"No thanks. The banana window hasn't opened just yet."

by Little Walnut March 4, 2017

Whorigin Story

The inception of a man or woman's promiscuous habits.

"Have you always been such a womanizer?"

"Oh, no. You should have seen me in high school. I never even kissed a girl. And then, one day, everything changed..."

"Interesting. I'd love to hear your whorigin story."

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018