...when you’re a bitch

This is when you aren’t worthy of fighting. You’re not even worthy of getting your ass kicked. This is when you are a mouthy little maggot who doesn’t know when to shut up and you say the wrong thing to the wrong guy. Then that guy decides to embarrass you and beat your ass with a stapler. He won’t even hit you with it but he’ll put 4 or 5 staples in your ass in front of the viewing public just to embarrass you for the bitch that you are while you cry like a baby. Everyone watching is laughing because this beatdown was a long time coming. You should be ashamed.

Hey Nate! Remember that time when...

Fuck you Ricky! I told you, stop talking or I’ll beat your ass! But you’re not even good enough for that! Because...when you’re a bitch I’m gonna just staple gun your ass. Bitch.

Only the sentence doesn’t really happen. Nate just tags Ricky with a stapler until he cries.

by Larry and Rex and Benny August 05, 2018

medium adult

This term is obviously used after a 2-5 day bender when you know you are being irresponsible. It’s great with friends bc it’s funny but you know you’re in shit creek with your job.

Hey Jenny, you have to cover for me with the tiny tots on the monkey bars and the little ones on the roller coaster. I blew Steve til 8 am and feel like a medium adult today. Cover for me...please cover for me...

by Larry and Rex and Benny July 16, 2018

Truffle Pig

Similar to the hogs used to sniff out truffles in Europe, a Truffle Pig is a stank ass bitch golddigging and sniffing, potentially, licking the ass of a rich person.

Yo Benny, I’m filthy rich, it’s great. This stupid bitch Sarah is such a Truffle Pig. She licked my ass and everything, all she wanted was a fancy purse. What a whore!

by Larry and Rex and Benny July 15, 2018

The 55 Gallon Fish Tank

When you muff dive into a woman that is made of at least 55% body fat and come back out for air smelling like Nemo's abusive alcoholic uncle.

Hey Steve, you douchebag, after I took her out to a nice dinner at Popeye's we went back to her trailer where I gave her The 55 Gallon Fish Tank. Four showers later and I still can't wash her mush off my moustache. Overall, it was a great date with your sister. Asshole.

by Larry and Rex and Benny July 08, 2018

The Cuban Missile Crisis

This is a very specific situation when you are in a meeting at work with just one too many cups of coffee. You need to get out of there but don’t know what to do.

Jimbo, my man, they called a meeting just after my second pot of coffee. It was a brutal two hours. I was sweating the whole time and a little even came out on the drawers. You’ve been there. It was the classic case of The Cuban Missile Crisis! Fuck

by Larry and Rex and Benny September 26, 2018

The Guantanamo unholy Sneak Attack

This is when a terrorist prisoner Is stewing around in his cell with nothing better to do. He’s feeling bored so he goes and chats with his other loser terrorist buddies obviously plotting something.

Then later he goes into his neighbors cell and begins ass fucking him and as he’s about to cum he pulls out and seemlessly shoves a stick of dynamite in his ass blowing him to smithereens.

The other terrorists golf clap.

“Yo Mustafo. This prison shit sucks. I’m gonna give the new guy the Guantanamo unholy sneak attack after lunch. Get some entertainment going around here.”

“That’s gonna be messy, but it sure beats movie night. I can’t watch Shawshank again.”

by Larry and Rex and Benny January 30, 2020

The Oxon Hill Headboard Incident from 1992

This was a terrifying, potentially catastrophic, event that happened in the summer of 1992. This is when two people break into a hotel room to fuck and destroy everything in the room as a drunk accident including pouring whiskey all over the guys dick and sucking him off. Raunchy shit. During the sex the headboard falls off and panic ensues. The girl almost suffocates and suffers a bloody nose. Both parties panic. Then the actual owners of the room key in and the other party flees while the new couple is forced to clean up blood whiskey and semen. It’s awful.

Bro, shit was a disaster last night. We broke into a hotel room last night and turned that place into a crime scene. It reminded me of The Oxon Hill Headboard Incident from 1992. No shit, the owners opened the door as we cleaned up the blood and we had to run out of there naked. It was ugly.

by Larry and Rex and Benny October 15, 2018