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L.MARTIN's definitions

FUCK YOU NUMBER

The financial number at which you can opt not to work.It's different for everyone...but generally speaking...if you buy into the "American Way of Life"...that number is somewhere around 5million liquid.At that point-you have a barrier against "the unforseen"(illness/injury)...or the fully known. (divorce/criminal children)Hefty appettite for booze,sex,and gambling?Triple that number.
Between his ex-wives,children,and jet set travel-James the attorney has a higher FUCK YOU NUMBER than Joe the plumbing contractor.
by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005
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S.A.D.

SEX AFFORDABILITY DYNAMIC....One more reason why it's better to be rich.As a straight man...once you get over the age of 25...if you're not rich or famous...generally speaking the quality of pussy you're able to fuck levels off.In fact it quite probably nosedives.The "young n'dumb n'drunk" MIGHT do you...But the "young n'sober/ambitious n'hot" will probably pass.This would explain why Average Joe in his mid-to late 20's claims to really dig older women.That's all that'll do your mediocre ass.
GYM MANAGER:"Unbelievable!This guy who just joined is uglier than the bottom of my shoe...but he walked in with this total babe."

FEEX GUY:"Must be the Bentley GT they pulled up in.Tsk
tsk...it's S.A.D."
by L.MARTIN November 5, 2005
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REVERSE MAIL-ORDER

A 40-50something western-educated doctor/engineer/venture capitalist who marries...or arranges to marry an American white girl.He is usually Indian,Persian,or Arab and smitten with things Western.She's usually 30something,educated,sorta hot in that"polished babe" kinda way.
BANKER 1:"See Mahmoods' new bride? Rather attractive blonde.
Wonder what his family thinks."

BANKER 2:"REVERSE MAIL-ORDER.Wonder if she's been to dinner
yet."(mild chuckle)
by L.MARTIN October 27, 2005
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CADDY

A 30something to 50something man of modest to respectable accomplishment who lands an attractive but no longer hot
female.She's either been buried in her own professional
accomplishments and finally looked up to find those men she
competes with are only interested in "young n'tight"...Or she's badly overplayed her hand and now finds that the trips to Tahiti and leased Benzos are'nt part of the picture anymore at that 30something range.In steps the CADDY.To him-she's quite a catch.To her-he will just have to do."Here...hold my purse while I try these shoes on."
CHICK:"Alberto!...how nice to see you!(hug)Hope everything is
well."
CADDY:"Who was that?"
CHICK:"Just a dear friend from my investment banking days in
New York.Don't forget my shopping bags."
by L.MARTIN October 30, 2005
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THE IVY

One of a handful of LA restaurants where wannabe actors pretend
to be flush with cash...and proceed to max out their credit cards...in the futile hope that one of the true POWER DINERS will bother to give them the time of day.Sorry kid.He notices
you like he notices the waiter...only when he's annoying.
ACTRESS/MODEL/WAITRESS/YOGA CHIK:"Hey Tina...wanna go dutch on
lunch at THE IVY tommorrow?"

TINA:"Sure.We can go in my newly
leased Bmer.That way we can
valet."
by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005
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HOLLYWOOD PROMISE

A worthless promise made to induce the desired behavior or manipulation.
AGENT:"Dammit Harvey! My clients' a wreck.I thought we left
that meeting with her in the lead with Brad Pitt."

HARVEY:"Sorry Ari.It was solid until Angelina saw her pictures
and balked.Forced her to take the role.Mishuga as that
may be...it worked.My bad about the HOLLYWOOD PROMISE
there...maybe I can get your girl a music video and
a Maxim cover.See 'ya at The Ivy."(click)
by L.MARTIN September 26, 2005
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PSYCHO STRIPPER PARADOX

You walk into a strip club flush with cash.Beautiful women take their clothes off and dance for you.One in particular
catches your eye.She's hot...charming...smart...and seemingly
level-headed.You know it's too good to be true.So does she.
Remember you're in a STRIP CLUB.You're paying women to behave
like their real-world polar opposite.She moves in...with her kid.Has yours.You're FUCKED.
INVESTMENT BANKER 1:"I've taken Mylene to dinner a coupla' times outside of this place.I'm thinkin' I might move her in.

IB2:"You'll beee sooorrry!Have'nt you ever heard of PSP?"

IB1:"PSP?"

IB2:"PSYCHO STRIPPER PARADOX.She's on her best behavior...until she moves in.Then
the fangs and the claws come out.
Been there."
by L.MARTIN January 29, 2006
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