Joe Smiff's definitions

Cock gleam

The glisten on a penis caused by vaginal fluid.

As Sir Hemingworth neared the peak of his pleasure, he withdrew at the last moment, his desire surging like a tide against the shore. In the golden morning light of the Quantocks, his glistening length stood proud, a sword of passion poised above Lady Buchanon’s heaving bosom. The slick cock gleam upon him caught the sun’s glow, like Excalibur itself, majestic, potent, and honking like a fish mongers cuff

by Joe Smiff February 16, 2025

Cringe wanker

Entitled or narcissistic individuals who film bizarre and deperate acts in the hope for validation from strangers on social media. This normally comes at the expense of invading the privacy and personal space of innocent people.

Yet another cringe wanker becoming infuriated because i was in his camera shot at the gym.

by Joe Smiff October 11, 2023

Shit an ace

To find no signs excrement on the first wipe.

To cut costs UK prisons found that introducing oatmeal for breakfast would reduce the usage of toilet paper by 87%

Prisoners from South London would often call out to their governor, "Guv, I shit an ace innit" and roars of cheers would resonate around the young offenders wing of the prison.

by Joe Smiff March 1, 2024

Colonic death grip

The masterful kung-fu act of suppressing a giant mud rock into a deep slumber using only a well-disciplined sphyncter.

Had a prawn and boiled egg vindaloo last night and its playing up with my guts, luckily I managed to summon a colonic death grip to avoid shitting myself in Asda.

by Joe Smiff September 6, 2022

In up to the apricots

When the full length of a penis is inserted into a desired hole.

I was in up to the apricots last night, Mindy let out a huge fart after, we both laughed then I went and made the dinner.

by Joe Smiff October 20, 2023

Fadunkadunk

When a person is on the receiving end of large tits slamming hard and true on their skull during intercourse, with the comical delivery of a Fred Quimby Tom and Jerry skit.

I woke up in hospital after pulling a nine pinter at the dancing, the last thing i remember was that she was on top and the last thing i heard was fadunkadunk

by Joe Smiff January 27, 2024

The sweaty gusset

The Kent lorry park that is supposed to reduce the bottleneck of exported goods entering the EU.

As I opened the bay windows of my kent townhouse, I was welcomed by my morning ritual of diesel and wafts of stale piss and belching from the concrete abomination that is "the sweaty gusset" lorry park.

by Joe Smiff November 12, 2020