Definitions by Horace Wimp

the not-necessarily-religious 

The perfect religion for those who aren't sure if they really believe in a god, but don't want to risk the big red one. Based on being as good as you can be, but not going over the top and showing up the others, the religion of the not-necessarily-religious doesn't believe in rules as such, at least not written ones. Therefore there are no commandments, but believers are asked to be nice to people and to really try and not steal things or kill people, if they can really help it. Attendance at a church is by no means compulsory, or even advised, but a number of popular pilgrimages exist, such as the centre of the civilised world, Home Bargains.

"Hey Josh, wanna come pray to God with me and my good buddies?"
"Nah, I'm one of the not-necessarily-religious."
"Oh. I didn't know you were, uh, 'like that'."
"What the hell does that mean? Son of a bitch!"
"Ah, no! My splean!"

the not-necessarily-religious by Horace Wimp November 8, 2006

Julian 

A type of owl specific to the North Wales coast, known for its distinctive bald head, poor eyesight, large beak and high pitched chirp. Often found in stew.

"Henry, is that a Julian over there? It is, you know! I'm almost sure of it. If only we could hear it's distinctive, high pitched chirp...oh there it goes! Yes, it's definitely a Julian."

Julian by Horace Wimp November 7, 2006

Evil Lincoln

Identical in appearance to your average Abraham Lincoln, an Evil Lincoln differs only in that he is entirely evil, with absolutely no moral core. Will kill abundently and pointlessly, wherever and whenever possible. Some varients sport glowing red eyes. Often roars "RAAARGH!" as he attacks. Their motivations and aims remain unknown, as anyone attempting to analyse them is normally murdered brutally and repeatedly. Some eyewitnesses claim Robotic Evil Lincolns exist, but this is unlikely and scary.

"Hey, Jackio, wanna hire Die Hard and get a pizza in? I feel like eating Ital- ARGHH!! NO! NO! My splean! GOD HELP ME! EVIL LINCOLN!! Please, God, let me - ARGHHH!!! NOT THE VARIOUS GUTS!!! Glughh.."
"Dude, you ok? Dude?"

Evil Lincoln by Horace Wimp November 7, 2006