Definitions by Hammer of Jesus
dusty bumper
A dusty bumper is the action of falling ass-first into the dirt while ones pants are around their ankles. Common during rowdy outdoor sex and defecating in the woods. If the latter is the cause of the dusty bumper, one may walk away with a rusty bumper.
Earl: Last night, I was beatin' cheeks with Becky in them woods right behind my trailer, when i tripped over a stob and gave myself a dusty bumper!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
dusty bumper by Hammer of Jesus August 4, 2017
textjob
The act of placing ones cellular device onto their genitalia, followed by a person sending repeated text messages, until the recipient of the textjob reaches sexual climax. Has been known to cause damage to cell phones when performed carelessly.
Jim: Man, Dave was really pissed after I banged his wife. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I threw my phone in my pocket and he gave me a textjob!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
textjob by Hammer of Jesus June 28, 2017
boner queso
A synonym for smegma. Sometimes used specifically to describe dick cheese belonging to a person of hispanic origin.
Armando: Duuuude have you seen how much boner queso Jose has? You could make a quesadilla with that shit.
Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.
Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.
boner queso by Hammer of Jesus April 5, 2017
Davy Jones' Gravy
Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.
I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.
Davy Jones' Gravy by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017
penis pot pie
A food item containing all of the same ingredients as a chicken pot pie, but chicken is replaced with penis.
Bill: My wife made the most delicious penis pot pie last night!
Ted: Wait...You ate penis for dinner?
Bill: It's totally normal! You should try some!
Ted: I think I'll pass. You and your wife should get some help.
Ted: Wait...You ate penis for dinner?
Bill: It's totally normal! You should try some!
Ted: I think I'll pass. You and your wife should get some help.
penis pot pie by Hammer of Jesus October 6, 2013