Gary Vitalis's definitions
A retirement plan, of sorts, for white trash people living in the South. Generally speaking a low-end wage earner will claim a back injury and go to an unscrupulous doctor who will assist in the claim of a debilitating health condition. Ultimately the participant in the Alabama 401K will receive a monthly check, tax free, so technically we could refer to this plan as a Redneck Roth IRA.
The recipients can usally be found hanging around Auto Zone trying to return a 10 year old starter from one of the many broken down Firebirds (aka trailer park Corvette) sprinkled in front of their God-forsaken turd shack of a house but don't understand that Auto Zone does not accept starters actually purchased at Advance Auto.
Some like-minded individuals will also participate in a Mama 401K. This is where the least successful of a mother's offspring returns to his birth home and mooches off said mother's social security check. On account of an unhealthy need for familiar approval, the mother freely allows the formerly errant son to have full reign of the double-wide mobile home. He may even make a half-hearted attempt to rebuild the transmission from his '77 Trans Am that he spray painted black and gold to look like Smokey's car as in "Smokey and the Bandit." He constantly claims to be looking for work when he is not reading the Auto Trader. Usually these people talk of an imaginary check that they will be receiving as a result of a settlement in a lawsuit filed against his employer after a fall from a roof some 6 years ago.
This individual can be seen at the local Wal-Mart, staring carefully and nervously at cold medicine boxes. Said indivual will usally have a bottle of acetone or Heet brand water remover in his cart and quite possibly a container or two of drain cleaner. Tonight he ain't fryin' catfish; he's gonna make a batch of shithouse meth. He will pay for the purchase by returning the Similac cans he "purchased" a week earlier using the WIC vouchers (sort of like food stamps for babies)intended for his numerous illegitimate half-wits.
The recipients can usally be found hanging around Auto Zone trying to return a 10 year old starter from one of the many broken down Firebirds (aka trailer park Corvette) sprinkled in front of their God-forsaken turd shack of a house but don't understand that Auto Zone does not accept starters actually purchased at Advance Auto.
Some like-minded individuals will also participate in a Mama 401K. This is where the least successful of a mother's offspring returns to his birth home and mooches off said mother's social security check. On account of an unhealthy need for familiar approval, the mother freely allows the formerly errant son to have full reign of the double-wide mobile home. He may even make a half-hearted attempt to rebuild the transmission from his '77 Trans Am that he spray painted black and gold to look like Smokey's car as in "Smokey and the Bandit." He constantly claims to be looking for work when he is not reading the Auto Trader. Usually these people talk of an imaginary check that they will be receiving as a result of a settlement in a lawsuit filed against his employer after a fall from a roof some 6 years ago.
This individual can be seen at the local Wal-Mart, staring carefully and nervously at cold medicine boxes. Said indivual will usally have a bottle of acetone or Heet brand water remover in his cart and quite possibly a container or two of drain cleaner. Tonight he ain't fryin' catfish; he's gonna make a batch of shithouse meth. He will pay for the purchase by returning the Similac cans he "purchased" a week earlier using the WIC vouchers (sort of like food stamps for babies)intended for his numerous illegitimate half-wits.
Mama, did my check come in today? I need to by a three neck Pyrex boiler for the shed.
Alabama 401K--retirement plan for broke-ass rednecks who could not read the questions on the ASVAB which is a prerequisite to join the Alabama National Guard.
Alabama 401K--retirement plan for broke-ass rednecks who could not read the questions on the ASVAB which is a prerequisite to join the Alabama National Guard.
by Gary Vitalis December 12, 2008
Get the Alabama 401K mug.A trailer park Corvette is a late 1970's to early 1980's Pontiac Firebird or Chevrolet Camaro. These are the most undesirable years for these vehicles hence they make a very cheap addition even to a household with the most fincancial mismanagement, aka white trash welfare sponges. If these fine examples of American technology actually crank, they will typically run on 6 of 8 cylinders. Don't expect to find a catalytic convertor on these straight-piped beauties.
Billy Hutto just bought himself a 1982 'bird. It smokes like a crack whore at a Baptist convention and the title is questionable at best. He sure has a fine trailer park Corvette. It's a shame that his kids won't get to enjoy since DHR took them away. He seemed to think that Lucas motor oil treatment was more important than shoes for school.
by Gary Vitalis February 1, 2007
Get the trailer park Corvette mug.An individual, usually a young black male, who converts to Islam while in prison and then returns to his pre-Muslim ways when on the outside.
James can be seen in his dad's front yard sippin' on a foty (fourty ounce malt liquor bottle), eatin' fried pork skins, smokin' Newports, and beatin' on his old lady--a classic Malt Liquor Muslim.
by Gary Vitalis February 6, 2007
Get the Malt Liquor Muslim mug.A retirement plan, of sorts, where an individual makes a bogus back injury claim and files for unemployment, social security, and/or insurance payments. This is a steady source of income for many dirtbags living in Alabama and Mississippi.
by Gary Vitalis February 12, 2007
Get the Alabama 401K mug.A delicious snack consisting of green (raw), unshelled peanuts boiled in salt water. This delicacy is typically purchased in gas station parking lots and roadside vegetable stands and consumed by southerners of all socio-economic backgrounds. Almost always served in Styrofoam cups and wrapped in the skimpiest napkin ever made, this salty snack is intended to be shared with family and friends although it is not uncommon for asocial types to devour the whole cup as to not share any with his wife/mistress.
Rich Birmingham Business Man: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.
Broke-Ass Methamphetamine-Addicted Construction Worker: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.
Broke-Ass Methamphetamine-Addicted Construction Worker: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.
by Gary Vitalis February 19, 2007
Get the Boiled Peanuts mug.Sandals worn by liberals, women in Vermont, and for some unknown reason, evangelical youth pastors trying to appeal to young adherents of Christianity.
Pastor Mike has a goatee and wears Birkenstocks--he looks like a pothead for Jesus when in reality his only addictions are online porn and energy drinks.
by Gary Vitalis February 24, 2007
Get the Birkenstocks mug.Any desperate attempt by middle aged Evangelical youth pastors to appear hip in order to reach young Christians. Generally speaking these individuals wear baggy pants, Birkenstocks, goatees, and, on ocassion, may even have piercings. Their hairstyles are typcially what homosexuals wore 10 years ago...They usually ramble on about Generation Y and use the word "awesome" entirely too much.
Hey, Pastor Mike is droppin' some phat beats on the youth group...looks like he's bustin' a sag for Jesus.
by Gary Vitalis February 24, 2007
Get the Bustin' a Sag for Jesus mug.