Gary Vitalis's definitions
A youthful evangelical, usually with a goatee, who espouses the "come as you are" mentality in churches. These guys are near fascists when it comes to their belief that a necktie will block God's power. In other words, if you wear a suit to church you will burn in Hell. These guys can be seen wearing tight jeans and untucked shirts to church and like to carry a guitar in their Chevy truck as to not appear unhip with the luscious little honeys that he wants to fondle when his wife is at the Baptist Ladies’ Bible Study/Lunches.
Mike beat an old man with a baseball bat today for shaving before coming to chuch. He is a militant Blue Jean Baptist.
by Gary Vitalis August 27, 2008
Get the Blue Jean Baptistmug. Bama Jam is the equivalent to White Trash Woodstock. This festival in southeast Alabama brings together washed up country artists, Taylor Swift, and how that hell this happened---Kid Rock. This filthy mud pit concert attraction appeals to trailer park dwellors and Wal-Mart shoppers. The female attendants have tattoos on their fat ass cankles and the males are required to have goatees.
by Gary Vitalis June 27, 2009
Get the Bama Jammug. Any desperate attempt by middle aged Evangelical youth pastors to appear hip in order to reach young Christians. Generally speaking these individuals wear baggy pants, Birkenstocks, goatees, and, on ocassion, may even have piercings. Their hairstyles are typcially what homosexuals wore 10 years ago...They usually ramble on about Generation Y and use the word "awesome" entirely too much.
Hey, Pastor Mike is droppin' some phat beats on the youth group...looks like he's bustin' a sag for Jesus.
by Gary Vitalis February 24, 2007
Get the Bustin' a Sag for Jesusmug. Hip Hop Valet Parking describes our African-American friends' tendency to station large American SUVs with oversized chrome rims in the fire lane in front of Wal-Mart or southside malls. A more subtle version occurs when the same SUV is spied with grandma's handicap placard mounted proudly next to a half dozen or so pine tree air fresheners to mask the scent of marijuana. Minor
Section 8 (government housing) celebrities who are generally unemployed or underemployed who claim to be producers are the most likely to utilize Hip Hop Valet Parking.
Section 8 (government housing) celebrities who are generally unemployed or underemployed who claim to be producers are the most likely to utilize Hip Hop Valet Parking.
T-Dog's rim size is three times his ACT score...rollin hard on 27's sippin' a foty, smokin' a blunt...Hip Hop Valet Parking yo'.
by Gary Vitalis April 9, 2009
Get the Hip Hop Valet Parkingmug. A retirement plan, of sorts, for white trash people living in the South. Generally speaking a low-end wage earner will claim a back injury and go to an unscrupulous doctor who will assist in the claim of a debilitating health condition. Ultimately the participant in the Alabama 401K will receive a monthly check, tax free, so technically we could refer to this plan as a Redneck Roth IRA.
The recipients can usally be found hanging around Auto Zone trying to return a 10 year old starter from one of the many broken down Firebirds (aka trailer park Corvette) sprinkled in front of their God-forsaken turd shack of a house but don't understand that Auto Zone does not accept starters actually purchased at Advance Auto.
Some like-minded individuals will also participate in a Mama 401K. This is where the least successful of a mother's offspring returns to his birth home and mooches off said mother's social security check. On account of an unhealthy need for familiar approval, the mother freely allows the formerly errant son to have full reign of the double-wide mobile home. He may even make a half-hearted attempt to rebuild the transmission from his '77 Trans Am that he spray painted black and gold to look like Smokey's car as in "Smokey and the Bandit." He constantly claims to be looking for work when he is not reading the Auto Trader. Usually these people talk of an imaginary check that they will be receiving as a result of a settlement in a lawsuit filed against his employer after a fall from a roof some 6 years ago.
This individual can be seen at the local Wal-Mart, staring carefully and nervously at cold medicine boxes. Said indivual will usally have a bottle of acetone or Heet brand water remover in his cart and quite possibly a container or two of drain cleaner. Tonight he ain't fryin' catfish; he's gonna make a batch of shithouse meth. He will pay for the purchase by returning the Similac cans he "purchased" a week earlier using the WIC vouchers (sort of like food stamps for babies)intended for his numerous illegitimate half-wits.
The recipients can usally be found hanging around Auto Zone trying to return a 10 year old starter from one of the many broken down Firebirds (aka trailer park Corvette) sprinkled in front of their God-forsaken turd shack of a house but don't understand that Auto Zone does not accept starters actually purchased at Advance Auto.
Some like-minded individuals will also participate in a Mama 401K. This is where the least successful of a mother's offspring returns to his birth home and mooches off said mother's social security check. On account of an unhealthy need for familiar approval, the mother freely allows the formerly errant son to have full reign of the double-wide mobile home. He may even make a half-hearted attempt to rebuild the transmission from his '77 Trans Am that he spray painted black and gold to look like Smokey's car as in "Smokey and the Bandit." He constantly claims to be looking for work when he is not reading the Auto Trader. Usually these people talk of an imaginary check that they will be receiving as a result of a settlement in a lawsuit filed against his employer after a fall from a roof some 6 years ago.
This individual can be seen at the local Wal-Mart, staring carefully and nervously at cold medicine boxes. Said indivual will usally have a bottle of acetone or Heet brand water remover in his cart and quite possibly a container or two of drain cleaner. Tonight he ain't fryin' catfish; he's gonna make a batch of shithouse meth. He will pay for the purchase by returning the Similac cans he "purchased" a week earlier using the WIC vouchers (sort of like food stamps for babies)intended for his numerous illegitimate half-wits.
Mama, did my check come in today? I need to by a three neck Pyrex boiler for the shed.
Alabama 401K--retirement plan for broke-ass rednecks who could not read the questions on the ASVAB which is a prerequisite to join the Alabama National Guard.
Alabama 401K--retirement plan for broke-ass rednecks who could not read the questions on the ASVAB which is a prerequisite to join the Alabama National Guard.
by Gary Vitalis December 12, 2008
Get the Alabama 401Kmug. This new utterance reflects the current downturn in the economy. Budget-minded rappers and section 8 (government housing) celebrities will no longer throw out cash at the club shouting "Dolla Bills, Yo." Instead they will clip coupons from the Sunday paper and distribute them with much flair hence the expression, "Dolla Off Yo." This expression should not be confused with the Yiddish Wiggers of New York who have always bought Filas at the factory seconds outlet.
Phatty in da' club finds it hard to stack cheese since losing his job at Dodge. He savors the nights at da' club..."Dolla Off Yo."
by Gary Vitalis May 24, 2009
Get the Dolla Off Yomug. Holy Shit, They didn't call him Notorius BIG for nothing. This mother fucker had bacon grease for blood.
by Gary Vitalis August 17, 2009
Get the Notorius BIGmug.