Definitions by Dave-Landon
Don't strain any muscles
"I just got this wicked idea to mix vodka with coke! I call it... the vodka-coke!"
"Wow bro, don't strain any muscles"
"Wow bro, don't strain any muscles"
Don't strain any muscles by Dave-Landon October 6, 2016
Unemployment line
The maximum point on your body that you can get a tattoo and still cover it up with clothing for a job interview
"I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on the back of my hand"
"Bad idea, bro. Better to get it below the unemployment line"
"Bad idea, bro. Better to get it below the unemployment line"
Unemployment line by Dave-Landon July 17, 2016
cottage dweef
1. A special case of dick queef, or dweef, caused by residue from an incomplete ejaculation getting stuck in the urethra, fermenting and building up pressure til it shoots out the end like a stanky ass ball of cottage cheese.
2. The only Christmas present I'm getting for my friend this year
2. The only Christmas present I'm getting for my friend this year
Guy #1: Dude, your cottage dweef just hit me in the eye!
Guy #2: Sorry, I get a little excited while watching Deadpool.
Guy #1: ...I didn't say stop
Guy #2: Sorry, I get a little excited while watching Deadpool.
Guy #1: ...I didn't say stop
cottage dweef by Dave-Landon May 11, 2016
Indian job interview
When an employer, quite often East Indian, accepts an applicant for a job interview by asking him to come in for a trial shift to see if he's worth hiring.
"Hey man, congrats on the new job!"
"Thanks, but I don't have the job yet, just an Indian job interview"
"Thanks, but I don't have the job yet, just an Indian job interview"
Indian job interview by Dave-Landon October 19, 2015
boyfriend bombshell
When the girl you've been interested in chooses the most inopportune moment to inform you she has a boyfriend. Often followed by you punching a baby.
Guy: hey man, do you have any extra babies kicking around I can punch?
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: I'll make you a fresh one, under one condition: it has to be a fatal blow. We don't want it surviving said punch. Brb. Got 9 months of work ahead of me.
Guy: If you'd rather not work the full 9 months, I'd be happy to meet you at the top of a flight of stairs.
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: :) you're the best! BTW, what has caused this baby punching tangent?
Guy: Well, I met this super cute girl the other day, and I was just about to tell her I was warm for her form when she dropped the boyfriend bombshell!
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: Harsh, dude! *hands dude a fresh baby*
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: I'll make you a fresh one, under one condition: it has to be a fatal blow. We don't want it surviving said punch. Brb. Got 9 months of work ahead of me.
Guy: If you'd rather not work the full 9 months, I'd be happy to meet you at the top of a flight of stairs.
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: :) you're the best! BTW, what has caused this baby punching tangent?
Guy: Well, I met this super cute girl the other day, and I was just about to tell her I was warm for her form when she dropped the boyfriend bombshell!
Guy's wicked awesome female friend: Harsh, dude! *hands dude a fresh baby*
boyfriend bombshell by Dave-Landon August 20, 2012
Drunk Retention
Guy #1: I can't believe you remember that! You were pretty drunk last night!
Guy #2: What can I say? I have excellent drunk retention.
Guy #2: What can I say? I have excellent drunk retention.
Drunk Retention by Dave-Landon August 12, 2012
Drooling Cheerios
Moooooom! I'm trying to read and she's drooling Cheerios on me! Moooooom! She's drooling Cheerios!
"Dude, have you met the new guy yet?"
"Yeah, he says portioning nachos is complicated.... He's drooling Cheerios"
"Dude, have you met the new guy yet?"
"Yeah, he says portioning nachos is complicated.... He's drooling Cheerios"
Drooling Cheerios by Dave-Landon November 6, 2011